Fashion & Etiquette Tips from a 160–year–old Book

The following comes from a book of advice and trivia written in the
mid–nineteenth century. Enjoy the language and concepts:
" Hints on etiquette: There are numberless writers upon this subject,
from Chesterfield to Willis, but the great fault with all of them is,
that their works are designed exclusively for the bon ton. They are
very well for those who spend their whole lives in the fashionable
circles but if a plain unpretending man or woman were to follow their
directions, they would only make themselves ridiculous.
In view of this fact, I now present a few plain directions fashioned
not after an imaginary model, but upon the world as it is. I address
only sensible persons, and expect them to be satisfied with such rules
and principles as shall form well–bred men and women, and not coxcombs
and dandies. My directions are the result of my own observation and
experience, and may be relied upon as being the actual practices of
respectable people, both in this country and Europe for the manners of
well–bred people are the same in all parts of the world.
In all your associations, keep constantly in view the adage, " too
much freedom breeds contempt."
Never be guilty of practical jokes if you accustom yourself to them,
it is probable you will become so habituated as to commit them upon
persons who will not allow of such liberties: I have known a duel to
arise from a slap on the back.
If there be another chair in the room, do not offer a lady that from
which you have just risen.
Always suspect the advances of any person who may wish for your
acquaintance, and who has had no introduction: circumstances may
qualify this remark, but as a general principle, acquaintances made in
a public room or place of amusement are not desirable.
Never converse while a person is singing it is an insult not only to
the singer but to the company.
The essential part of good breeding is the practical desire to afford
pleasure, and to avoid giving pain. Any man possessing this desire,
requires only opportunity and observation to make him a gentleman.
Always take off your hat when handing a lady to her carriage, or the
box of a theatre, or a public room.
If, in a public promenade, you pass and re–pass persons of you
acquaintance, it is only necessary to salute them on the first
occasion.
Do not affect singularity of dress by wearing anything that is so
conspicuous as to demand attention and particularly avoid what I
believe I must call the ruffian style.
Never lose your temper at cards, and particularly avoid the exhibition
of anxiety or vexation at want of success. If you are playing whist,
not only keep your temper, but hold your tongue any intimation to you
partner is decidedly ungentlemanly.
Let presents to a young lady be characterized by taste, not remarkable
for intrinsic value.
Except under very decided circumstances, it is both ungentlemanly and
dangerous to cut a person: if you wish to rid yourself of any one's
society, a cold bow in the street, and particular ceremony in the
circles of your mutual acquaintance, is the best mode of conduct to
adopt.
Never introduce your own affairs for the amusement of a company, it
shows a sad want of mental cultivation, or excessive weakness of
intellect: recollect, also, that such a discussion cannot be
interesting to others, and that the probability is that the most
patient listener is a complete gossip, laying the foundation for some
tale to make you appear ridiculous.
When you meet a gentleman with whom you are acquainted, you bow
raising your hat slightly with he left hand, which leaves your right
at liberty to shake hands if you stop. If the gentleman is ungloved,
you must take off yours, not otherwise.
Meeting a lady, the rule is that she should make the first salute, or
at least indicate by her manner that she recognizes you. Your bow must
be lower, and your hat carried further from your head but you never
offer to shake hands that is her privilege.
The right, being the post of honor, is given to superiors and ladies,
except in the street, when they take the wall, as farthest from danger
from passing carriages, in walking with or meeting them.
In walking with a lady, you are not bound to recognize gentlemen with
whom she is not acquainted, nor have they, in such a case, any right
to salute, much less to speak to you.
Whenever or wherever you stand, to converse with a lady, or while
handing her into or out of a carriage, keep your hat in your hand.
Should her shoe become unlaced, or her dress in any manner disordered,
fail not to apprise her of it, respectfully, and offer your
assistance. A gentleman may hook a dress or lace a shoe with perfect
propriety, and should be able to do so gracefully.
Whether with a lady or gentleman, a street talk should be a short one
and in either case, when you have passed the customary compliments, if
you wish to continue the conversation, you must say, " Permit me to
accompany you."
Don't sing, hum, whistle, or talk to yourself, in walking. Endeavor,
besides being well dressed, to have a calm good–natured countenance. A
scowl always begets wrinkles. It is best not to smoke at all in public
but none but a ruffian in grain will inflict upon society the odor of
a bad cigar, or that of any kind, on ladies.
Ladies are not allowed, upon ordinary occasions, to take the arm of
any one but a relative or an accepted lover in the street, and in the
day time in the evening – in the fields, or in a crowd wherever she
may need protection – she should not refuse it. She should pass her
hand over the gentleman's arm, merely, but should not walk an arm's
length apart, as country girls sometimes do. In walking with a
gentleman, the step of the lady must be lengthened, and his shortened,
to prevent the hobbling appearance of not keeping step. Of course, the
conversation of a stranger, beyond asking a necessary question, must
be considered as a gross insult and repelled with proper spirit.
Having dressed yourself, pay no further attention to your clothes. Few
things look worse than a continual fussing with your attire.
Never scratch your head, pick you teeth, clean your nails, or worse
than all, pick your nose in company all these things are disgusting.
Spit as little as possible, and never upon the floor.
Do not lounge on sofas nor tip back your chair, nor elevate your feet.
If you are going into the company of ladies, beware of onions, spirits
and tobacco.
If you can sing or play, do so at once when requested, without
requiring to be pressed or make a fuss. On the other hand, let your
performance be brief, or, if ever so good it will be tiresome. When a
lady sits down to the pianoforte, some gentleman should attend her,
arrange the music–stool, and turn over the leaves.
Meeting friends in a public promenade, you salute them the first time
in passing, and not e