My nineteen–year–old daughter's identity in cloth

My daughter is nineteen, very overweight, and struggling with her
inability to stop eating or diet, whatever to lose her excesive
weight,
and fitting in with her peers who are the ideal media weight, and fit
into the most recent styles. She wants to be like everyone else and
my
heart goes out to her. I watch as she buys cloths that fit a skinnier
girl, and although she'll get the cloths big enough for her, they
don't
look right on her because they were meant for small, slimmer girls,
and
all those styles do on heavy girls is define their weight. My
daughter
wants to look like everyone of her girls friends and thinks she must
be
able to identify with them by buying the cloths that they buy. Her
weight problem probably goes deeper than merely styles of clothing,
but
this is an issue I've been made aware of recently.
I'm afraid to say anything to her at this point. Yet, I'm her father,
and if I can't talk to her about, I know damn well the world won't.
I'm afraid some assinine person out there in the world is going to
humiliate her in public about her tight clothes or clothes that do
more
to enhance her weight problem than make her more able to fit in. I
want to help her.
Right now I'm spending much time trying to figure out a tackful way to
tell or show her that because of her weight she'd be better off
wearing
clothing that hung well on her rather than a style that was made to
look tight to enhance bones, hips, and define what soceity has been
led
to believe is beauty. I'm not downing any of our ideas of what's
beautiful or looking to justify being over–weight. I am trying to
protect my dauther from an insensitive world of ignorant, selfish,
individuals who make themselves look good by putting the next person
down and are very insentive, lacking sympathy, and realizing the
ramification that humiliating a young person can do to them. I love
my
daughter and just want her to be happy. Positive reenforcement would
go much father in helping this world than any humiliation.
Anyway, the purpose of this post is to get some advice on styles of
spring/summer clothing for a young girl. I hoping to buy something,
and outfit for her that she'll where, but it isn't necessarily the
common style, but maybe something that'll look good to her friend, is
a
piece or set of clothing that is made for heavy girls––i.e. hanging,
free–flowing, etc.
Any advice on a mother and father helping an over–weight dauther with
peer pressure, identification crisis, and the particular issue of
fitting in by looking like your peers, but most of your peers are
slender, and you're not, please advice.
In advance, thank from a loving father.

My daughter is nineteen, very overweight, and struggling with her
inability to stop eating or diet, whatever to lose her excesive weight,
and fitting in with her peers who are the ideal media weight, and fit
into the most recent styles. She wants to be like everyone else and my
heart goes out to her. I watch as she buys cloths that fit a skinnier
girl, and although she'll get the cloths big enough for her, they don't
look right on her because they were meant for small, slimmer girls, and
all those styles do on heavy girls is define their weight. My daughter
wants to look like everyone of her girls friends and thinks she must be
able to identify with them by buying the cloths that they buy. Her
weight problem probably goes deeper than merely styles of clothing, but
this is an issue I've been made aware of recently.
I'm afraid to say anything to her at this point. Yet, I'm her father,
and if I can't talk to her about, I know damn well the world won't.
I'm afraid some assinine person out there in the world is going to
humiliate her in public about her tight clothes or clothes that do more
to enhance her weight problem than make her more able to fit in. I
want to help her.
Right now I'm spending much time trying to figure out a tackful way to
tell or show her that because of her weight she'd be better off wearing
clothing that hung well on her rather than a style that was made to
look tight to enhance bones, hips, and define what soceity has been led
to believe is beauty. I'm not downing any of our ideas of what's
beautiful or looking to justify being over–weight. I am trying to
protect my dauther from an insensitive world of ignorant, selfish,
individuals who make themselves look good by putting the next person
down and are very insentive, lacking sympathy, and realizing the
ramification that humiliating a young person can do to them. I love my
daughter and just want her to be happy. Positive reenforcement would
go much father in helping this world than any humiliation.

Anyway, the purpose of this post is to get some advice on styles of
spring/summer clothing for a young girl. I hoping to buy something,
and outfit for her that she'll where, but it isn't necessarily the
common style, but maybe something that'll look good to her friend, is a
piece or set of clothing that is made for heavy girls––i.e. hanging,
free–flowing, etc.

Any advice on a mother and father helping an over–weight dauther with
peer pressure, identification crisis, and the particular issue of
fitting in by looking like your peers, but most of your peers are
slender, and you're not, please advice.
In advance, thank from a loving father.

I don't understand where the positive reinforcement is here.
Unless your daughter asks for your advice, please don't say anything. If
she's insecure about her weight, the last thing she needs is her parents
trying to "improve" her looks. That unfortunately translates as
disapproval in any self consicous child's (or adult's) eyes (and hearts).
I know you want to help, but imo, it will help her more for her to come
back from that "hard world" to someone who loves her whether she's fat or
not, and to parents who she can be herself with. Not someone who is going
to make her feel worse. No matter what you say to her, it's not going to
go over well.

I don't understand where the positive reinforcement is here.
Unless your daughter asks for your advice, please don't say anything.
If she's insecure about her weight, the last thing she needs is her
parents trying to "improve" her looks. That unfortunately translates
as disapproval in any self consicous child's (or adult's) eyes (and
hearts). I know you want to help, but imo, it will help her more for
her to come back from that "hard world" to someone who loves her
whether she's fat or not, and to parents who she can be herself with.
Not someone who is going to make her feel worse. No matter what you
say to her, it's not going to go over well.
Young girl??!
Do not buy her clothes. The chances of them fitting are slim, and
whether they are too big or too small–– she will feel bad.
I think this is one problem she will have to figure out on her own, or
with real friends. I don't think this is a good thing for a parent to
get into. She's nineteen, not a child (though we all know you dont
have to be a child to be affected by knowing your parents think you're
too fat, too frumpy, get that hair out of your face, or any other
endless nit pickings parents say to "help") It doesn't help.
Ugh, I shouldn't have even read this post–– and I hope you're not a
troll.
Sounds like those issues should have been addressed years ago. I
think this is something that she's going to have to figure out for
herself. When she has to get a job, and enters the real world she
will most likely get a clue. Believe me when I tell you it's much less
humiliating in the long run to hear it from, strangers, employers etc.
than from your own parents. It hurts me to hear what a mess you
think your daughter is, maybe concentrate on what she does well,
that's the positive reinforcement.
Ami (sorry for the venom)

"Ami" <amia...@nac.net> wrote in message
news:441c4af...@nntp2.nac.net...
Here's an idea (take or leave).
Get involved in some sport or activity –– and invite your daughter
along. It could be swimming, racquetball, jogging, biking –– but you
are not condemning her... in fact maybe the parents could use a bit of
exercise themselves? Never hurts... and if nothing else it promotes a
bit more family togetherness before she exits the nest.
Just throwing that out there.

––
dwacon(com)

Ami, my first thought was the post was written by a troll as are most
that are like this one. I don't know why I bothered to answer him

except thinking that there was a slim chance that it was sincere.

I locked onto the plus–sized target on my trolldar.

It's really a shame that people have to be so cynical, but I guess it
can't be helped on the public boards.

This board has learned from experience to be very cautious
about male posters offering highly detailed descriptions of
their supposed "daughters".