Need help with what to wear to DH's office party!!

On the 29th I will be meeting DH's co–workers for the first time at his
holiday office party and I have a few questions about what to/not wear.
The party will be from 6 pm–2 am at a rented facility where there will
be alcohol served and drawings for many different prizes (vacations, DVD
players, etc.) That's all I know so far...DH hasn't got all the details.
I have no idea what the attire is, I can only imagine it's the same type
of dress you'd wear to any other kind of party.
I plan to wear a very nice pair of slightly flared and fitted black
pants. I don't know what kind of a top to wear......I saw a very pretty
lace tank I liked but it shows 'some' cleavage according to the pic in
the catalog. Is showing any cleavage (and I mean tasteful, not obscene)
appropriate when meeting your husbands co workers for the first time? I
can't decide.
My other question is about shoes. Are open toed dressy heels
appropriate, even during winter? It's quite cold here. Would you wear
them with a textured but transparent hose? Certainly not nude pantyhose,
right? Of course I'll be indoors the whole time but bare toed just seems
so unseasonable. Should I wear black high–heeled boots? Closed toed
heels?
Should I have may hair done up or down, or will I look like I am trying
way too hard? Maybe I should leave it more natural looking? I am not
concerned with makeup (yet, anyways) because I think I have everything I
need in that area.
ANY suggestions or input would be very much appreciated. I really want
to look nice. I'd like to look sexy, polished, elegant and tasteful.
Wendy

Wendy wrote:
Since you haven't met DH's coworkers yet, and this is an office party,
I would say to drop the "sexy" part... just to be on the safe side. The
usual recommendation is that "sexy" and "office" don't go together,
even at the office holiday party. Of course, you're the spouse and not
the employee, but it may be better to play this year safe. If you find
that other spouses wear sexy clothes to this annual event, there's
always next year.
Add the adjective "festive" – since it's a holiday party – and you're
all set. I like the idea of pants with a festive top, something in
metallic or satin or velvet or with a bit of glittery something.
Actually, the cami may be okay if it rings just such a festive note,
and considering you're wearing long pants, the effect may be just
enough skin instead of too much. Perhaps you could find a gauzy wrap to
throw over your shoulders just in case it's too exposing? Just be sure
it's a cami you can wear some sort of bra underneath – office parties
are not the place to go braless, no matter what, and particularly when
it's cold outside.
As for shoes, I'd go open toed with or without nylons, whatever you
prefer. The open toe is much more festive, IMO. It's cold here so what
I do is wear my Uggs to get there, and change into the heels when I
arrive.
I like the idea of having your hair up. That says polished and elegant
to me. Since you're wearing pants and not a skirt, I think it's the
right balance to go more special with the hair and the top. How about
some chandelier earrings?
At these office holiday affairs you'll see most women wearing black,
red, green, black, champagne, black, silver, gold, more black. Depends
on the office, and I've found the more casual the office, the more
decked out employees get for the holiday party. I've always found that
interesting. In offices where people wear suits all the time, you'll
see more "office–to–night" kind of ensembles.
Also depends on the age of the employees. Younger the crowd, the more
you see dresses and exposed skin. The older the crowd, the more you see
festive jackets or sweaters and drapey velvety dress pants.
Finally, what about your purse? If the cami isn't glittery, this and
your shoes may be the place to pick up some festive sparkle. There are
a lot of pretty metallic clutches out there right now.
Have fun and be sure to report back!
jen

Thanks jen, for the very thoughtful and helpful reply! You've really
made me think, I forgot all about accessories! A pair of dangly earrings
would look nice. I just wish I knew more about what others would be
wearing, DH isn't good with finding out stuff like that.
I think I'll have to go to the local mall and try some things on but I
do agree playing it safe is a good idea. When I said sexy I guess what I
really meant was 'attractive' or 'youthful'. But I will have to work on
the pretty or attractive and most definitely FESTIVE (thanks for
mentioning that) and maybe shy away from sexy or cleavage showing
shirts. I had planned to wear the cami with a cardigan over it but it
would still show cleavage. It's possible that if I'm this worried about
it now that it might not be worth doing. I am somewhat nervous about
meeting his co–workers anyway. ANY tips on etiquette would also be
useful.
Thank you!
Wendy

Thank you again, jen! Your tips aren't dire at all and you have been
most helpful! I don't want to sound like I am Molly Wallflower but it
has been awhile since I have went to a party this large (200+) and of
this nature. I'll keep you updated!!
Wendy

Wendy wrote:
Yeah, you never know with these office parties. But the ensemble you're
considering leaves room for creative last–minute editing to strike just
the right note when you get there and you see what everyone else is
wearing. The pants play it safe, but something more festive and strappy
on top works if everyone is wearing dresses. You can even swap out
earrings and let your hair back down, if the crowd turns out to be much
more casual.
My office parties tend to be more subdued than my DF (dear fiance's).
The crowd is older than at his, and more apt to wear pants and blazers
than skirts or dresses. My usual stand–by for these occasions is a red
long–sleeve dress with v–neck, empire waist & full, knee–length A–line
skirt. The V neck and flash of legs is all the skin I show, and the red
makes it festive. Or a black cap sleeve boat beck mid–calf colum
skirted satin dress. Or a festive sweater with fur collar and sequins
paired with a basic black dress pant or skirt (pants if it's really
cold and snowy out). I steer clear of anything too form–fitting, and
nothing strappy. Another one of my favorites is champagne: I love this
color, so rich and it is festive. A champagne suit looks festive, even
if it's the same cut as a business suit.
For DF's office parties it's much different. He works in academia so
the average age is younger – beautiful & brainy young pHDs looking to
let off steam and flirt with my DF. You see lots and lots of black
strappy dresses and women who usually schlep around in jeans all
dressed to the nine's. I have a lot more fun dressing for his office
parties!
Yep, probably! With that said, some women can get away just fine with
cami or bustier or strappy tops for office parties. It's one of those
"depends" things. My gf for example has a small chest and tiny, tiny
waist, so bustier with full velvet pants is her usual office wear and
she looks spectacular. She never looks "too" sexy.... If you know what
I mean by "too." Me? Nope, my chest would be popping right out of that,
and even though it's a party, it's not what I want my coworkers or DF's
boss to remember about me.
The single most important tip I can give you is: Don't get drunk! Last
year I made this mistake, against my better judgement and after years
of doing the office party rounds without incident, at DF's office
shindig. They were really, REALLY late serving the food this year (I
think it was 10 pm before food came out), and I hadn't eaten all day.
The wine went right to my head. He is still teasing me about some
stupid things that came out of my mouth that night. Thank goodness he's
forgiven me. :–)
Otherwise, being the spouse just smile and ask people about themselves.
That's what I always do. Don't expect anyone to ask anything about you;
they never do. Or if they do, and you tell them something, the
conversation just kinda falls off and goes nowhere, unless you artfully
switch it back to them again.
You'll probably spend much of the night feeling left out of inside
office jokes. Just laugh and feign enjoyment.
Early in my first marriage, my ex would completely abandon me to "work
the room" at these things. His office parties were totally
insufferable. I managed by circulating the room and making contact with
other abandoned spouses. I learned very quickly never to ask, "what do
you do?" because most of them were Stay–at–home parents, and very
prickly and defensive about this question. This was before I had kids
of my own. My strategy was to simply keep asking lots of questions
about their kids. Everyone likes to talk about their kids.
Sports are always a safe topic at these things too, if you can talk
sports. I can't. I'm sports–illiterate. Defintely steer clear of
politics or religion. If you can spend some time reading up about your
DH's company and industry, you might use that as conversation starters.
Just steer clear of anything he's divulged to you that may not yet be
public information – if it's in the press, it's fair game.
When talking with DH's coworkers, ask about what they do, and express
interest in it. Pretend you're a newspaper reporter interviewing about,
say, what it takes to make it in software engineering.
Have a comment ready for when you get introduced to the boss. That's
always helpful. Maybe your DH can help you strategize that one –
preferably non–work–related comment. Let's say the boss sails for a
hobby. Ask about his latest sailing adventure. Steer clear from any
obvious, blatant promotion of your DH, such as, "Oh, my hubby is also a
fabulous sailor... " that can look like your DH asked you to suck up.
Eat before you go, so you don't drink on an empty stomach. It's okay to
drink (if you normally do) but I'd limit it to no more than two drinks.
Any more makes the grapevine sing behind your DH's back.
Wear comfy shoes and plan to stand and mingle a lot. Doesn't look as
friendly if you choose to sit down while others are mingling. Unless
you find a group of other abandoned spouses who are flopping somewhere
comfortable.
Go late, leave early.
Ask your DH to give you a huge kiss right before you enter the room, to
help steal your confidence (then check first to make sure he didn't
smear your lipstick). Or better yet – wear smudge–proof lipstick so it
doesn't get all over your wine glass and cocktail napkin.
Don't cling too much, even if you're nervous. Lightly touch fingertips
or hold hands, but don't grab on to his arm for dear life.
Have a signal between you and your DH. It is likely he'll have to do
some "working" of the room, and can't always have you in tow. For
example at some of my ex's occasions, the men would all be invited into
the library afterwards to share cigars and cognac with the boss. Women
were not expected to join them. Very old–fashioned & sexist, I know!
So if you can be understanding that for him this isn't really a party,
it's business, and he needs to do solo–mingling withou