go go ( gadget unicycle )

o go ( gadget unicycle )
***
"so who are we gunna work for tuesday then ?"
fucked if i know
they havent given me a day all year
so naturally
first day i get work
oh paulie umm
***
fuckin ell
***
gotta take th young fella to school
in th morning
***
means i'll have to drag my carcass outta bed
***
go go montalbano
***
mark and i went to redcliffe beach for th afternoon
tide was way up
but
i stuffed th unicycle down th beach anyway
even managed
th crossing
from th
ramp
to th hard (ish) sand
we didnt get far
but we had fun tryin
made it to th waterline
and a bit up th beach
***
he was on his mountain bike today
bein pussy
***
i had like
ten fuckin crashes man
unimpressed
too straight
i blamed it on mark's thongs
bit big for my feet
mark was commentin
come on uncle paulie
wadd are ya doin ?
***
actually
i'm goin to murder dinner
***
nice unicycle
took th bump into th garden in it's stride
mark got into trouble
for ridin in gardens
security at th lagoon
didnt say a fuckin word to me
***
wouldnt have wanted to either
straight
dont talk to me
***
guy in a carpark
at woolies this arv
tryin to direct me past him
comin th other way
got a
dont tell me what to do cockhead
at full volume
***
at least i had new batteries in th mp3 player
***
grazi
..
..
..
so
i'm supposed to be on both coasts
north and south
on tuesday
just fuckin bent man
***
why cant i have a job around th fuckin corner ?
***
fuck it's hot
***
nice cup of tea this
"smart arse it's coffee"
"we ran out, sorry"
***
gunna lay under th shower for a bit
later
***
it's that fuckin hot
ya'd think nicole kidman was on top of ya
"hey ?"
you get on top and do th work
it's too fuckin hot
***
just makin some poor man's hash
play amongst yurselves
***
that's a bit better
what i should have done
before we went pedallin down redcliffe way
***
ten fuckin crashes
jesus fuckin wept
and then he cried
then we kicked him in th nuts
and he shut th fuck up
***
when th mountain bike was leavin
a two inch trench behind it
i went cunt up on th unicycle
but you knew that right ?
***
"i think th blonde thought"
i dont give a fuck what th blonde thought
***
hey jen
that sand on th concrete is a bit of fun
"till markie cut us off"
yeah it was a nice slide
"do you two have to shove each other as ya bop down th boulevarde ?"
we were havin boy fun
"nearly went cunt up again"
no i'm better than that
"that's fun acceleratin into th soft white stuff"
more fun saturday dawn
on miami beach with a pro photographer
runnin along flat out in th surf
beside th uni and takin pics
"we gunna see th pics ?"
we never see th pics
"best we've had taken and he asked"
ah well
"i had a nice weekend"
so did i
"i wanna fuck that black maori girl"
tell me about it
***
th fuckin subtitles arent accurate
i heard ya swear again montalbano
***
we're a month into th year
and we havent had a day of work
just livin on th pension
im shitty at ya man
december was fuckin quiet too
man's starvin
you gunna fuck this job i acquired now ?
***
fuckheads are us
***
"north coast fightin back"
"said we were goin north"
hmmm
we got a war goin on ?
"fuck sydney"
hmmm
fuckin mexicans
gunna be an interesting week
"more money if we head north"
"and tax free"
think we have some more words tomorrow night
when th young fella is back at his mums
"if i'm workin tuesday can i put a stick on tick tomorrow night ?"
we dont do that real often
"what it cost us in fuel for th drive down th south coast ?"
35
but we did a bit of wanderin
"lot of other beaches down there i wanna ride on"
"was readin in th paper today that th bribie beach is fucked" [north]
never done bondi
"not goin to either"
"fuckin mexicans"
you'd do it if ya had th money
"stoned outta my gourd and pissed as"
"yeah"
ppl smile everywhere
"Arent they fuckheads "
not a question ?
"no sadly"
***
in th surf
th unicycle
is actually
easier to ride
if ya can dig it
the ride is lubricated
th weeel goes faster than elsewhere
especially in th white water
cavitated
churning surf
"fuck he got some nice pics"
ok
"rooster tail comin outta th tail"
"and stuffin it down th wave front"
fun as
gunna do it till i die
***
"at least it wasnt a chick"
"askin if she can take a photo"
hey
th main thing is he asked
got a much nicer
performance
"wadd are ya talkin about ?"
"ya just went back to doin what you were doin anyway"
would i have done that if he hadnt ?
"judgin by how ya treated th video cameras"
"on burleigh heads beach "
"i;d say ya wouldnt of"
it's all about attitude
i dig nickie's attitude to th cameras
"not as camera shy as that fuckhead thinks"
tv crews are fuckheads generally
big egos
i been on fuckin television
dont help me for shit
"yeah fuck ya"
"We'll save th good magic for polite ppl"
***
"freaked out some surfer dudes paulie"
so
"top surfin beach"
"three video cameras at dawn filmin th surfers"
why we arrived in th dark
long gone up th beach
all th way to th rocks
just playin
"havent they ever seen a unicycle surfin in th waves ?"
twisted a few
ah well
surfin's too fuckin easy
look how many ppl out there fightin over that wave
only shit i have to deal with in my waves
is fuckhead little boys
who wanna take me down
and photographers
"and th odd blonde"
fuck th blondes
dime a dozen
run over th next one
***
"i wanna ride that beach montalbano's on"
"We could do those rocks"
it's finished babe
***
got a real nice feelin
jumpin off the
boat ramp
and stuffin it
thru th unridable
deep soft sand
i was first
off th edge
couple of guys out
in th surf
just amazed
havent ya ever seen a wizard ?
come down a beach before
fuckin mountain bike
didnt get much further than i did
"and he was aired down like we were"
***
have to watch that
"missing"
half black half white
no cultural heritage
***
jumped off this
bank
into th white sand
over th concrete
and stuffed it thru it
to find a fuckin mountain bike in front of me
scuse i mate
give him a shove and send him up th path
haha
come back at me
and couldnt knock me down
yur thongs brought me unglued more often
***
"black guys in th park were goin off"
kuta
***
still not wearin a helmet
especially
th shark fin one
with a wizard skin

The Land Surfer spewed:
::smack::