Urgent question re funeral attire!

A friend of mine's mother passed away recently, and her funeral is
taking place in about 15 hours. Of course I plan to dress nicely to
show respect: khaki pants, gray french cuff shirt w/ navy and white silk
cufflinks, and a dark navy blazer. I had the idea to go a little extra
bit further, if possible, and include a boutonniere. However, I have no
idea what the etiquette is regarding that. Is it appropriate at all to
wear one? If so, are certain flowers or colors more appropriate than
others?
Please get back to me ASAP, as the time is quickly approaching when I
will have to make my final decision. If possible, I would like to
include a boutonniere, and I think it shows that, not only do I care
enough to dress respectfully, but I also care enough to go out of my way
to procure a boutonniere for only that one occasion. I just want to be
absolutely certain that boutonnieres are not exclusively festive or
anything of that nature. I have been to funerals where they were used
to mark pall bearers, which might be an issue, as well.
Anxiously awaiting your responses! Please respond via the newsgoup.
Thanks!

A friend of mine's mother passed away recently, and her funeral is
taking place in about 15 hours. Of course I plan to dress nicely to
show respect: khaki pants, gray french cuff shirt w/ navy and white silk
cufflinks, and a dark navy blazer. I had the idea to go a little extra
bit further, if possible, and include a boutonniere. However, I have no
idea what the etiquette is regarding that. Is it appropriate at all to
wear one? If so, are certain flowers or colors more appropriate than
others?
Please get back to me ASAP, as the time is quickly approaching when I
will have to make my final decision. If possible, I would like to
include a boutonniere, and I think it shows that, not only do I care
enough to dress respectfully, but I also care enough to go out of my way
to procure a boutonniere for only that one occasion. I just want to be
absolutely certain that boutonnieres are not exclusively festive or
anything of that nature. I have been to funerals where they were used
to mark pall bearers, which might be an issue, as well.
Anxiously awaiting your responses! Please respond via the newsgoup.
Thanks!

Please get back to me ASAP, as the time is quickly approaching when I
will have to make my final decision. If possible, I would like to
include a boutonniere

It's a funeral for chrissakes, not a fashion show.
Wear a black suit, and skip the french cuffs and pocket candy.

"Joe" <nos...@privacy.net> wrote in message
news:35s020F4q2ht...@individual.net...
Amen! What an insane question to ask.

"second reply": Amen! What an ... question to ask.

A friend of mine's mother passed away recently, and her funeral is
taking place in about 15 hours. Of course I plan to dress nicely to
show respect: khaki pants, gray french cuff shirt w/ navy and white silk
cufflinks, and a dark navy blazer. I had the idea to go a little extra
bit further, if possible, and include a boutonniere. However, I have no
idea what the etiquette is regarding that. Is it appropriate at all to
wear one? If so, are certain flowers or colors more appropriate than
others?
Please get back to me ASAP, as the time is quickly approaching when I
will have to make my final decision. If possible, I would like to
include a boutonniere, and I think it shows that, not only do I care
enough to dress respectfully, but I also care enough to go out of my way
to procure a boutonniere for only that one occasion. I just want to be
absolutely certain that boutonnieres are not exclusively festive or
anything of that nature. I have been to funerals where they were used
to mark pall bearers, which might be an issue, as well.
Anxiously awaiting your responses! Please respond via the newsgoup.
Thanks!

"Joe" <nos...@privacy.net> wrote in message
news:35s020F4q2ht...@individual.net...
Amen! What an insane question to ask.

In article <bBeKd.1103$Yd7....@newsread2.news.atl.earthlink.net>,
bartender...@earthlink.net says...
Hardly an inappropriate or insane question at all. To not be concerned
with one's appearance at a funeral is incredibly disrespectful. It is
not a fashion show, but it is no more appropriate to disregard your
attire there than it would be to spit on the coffin!
AEM

Seems like we had a thread like this about a year ago, and it did not go
well the last time either :)
Sorry about your loss "Anon E. Mouse"

"Anon E. Mouse" <tigernn_mo...@yahoo.com> wrote in message
news:MPG.1c626f0bdc938e5d989...@news.comcast.giganews.com...

While this is an older thread may I add my .02?

If it comes down to someone having only khakis or even denim vs not
coming to pay respects at all I would (and have, as I did with my
Father's memorial service held in a chapel on a Military base) prefer
the person to come and be part of the services.

But to disregard the conventions of the event is as disrespectful.
Convention dictates that at a funeral, black attire is appropriate, and
attire should be formal, a sign of mourning. Thus, a black suit is what is
appropriate. Khakis are not.

"Anon E. Mouse" <tigernn_mo...@yahoo.com> wrote in message
news:MPG.1caa5b82d9663337989...@news.comcast.giganews.com...

In article <bBeKd.1103$Yd7....@newsread2.news.atl.earthlink.net>,
bartender...@earthlink.net says...
Hardly an inappropriate or insane question at all. To not be concerned
with one's appearance at a funeral is incredibly disrespectful. It is
not a fashion show, but it is no more appropriate to disregard your
attire there than it would be to spit on the coffin!
AEM

But to disregard the conventions of the event is as disrespectful.
Convention dictates that at a funeral, black attire is appropriate, and
attire should be formal, a sign of mourning. Thus, a black suit is what is
appropriate. Khakis are not.

"Anon E. Mouse" <tigernn_mo...@yahoo.com> wrote in message
news:MPG.1caa5b82d9663337989...@news.comcast.giganews.com...

But to disregard the conventions of the event is as disrespectful.
Convention dictates that at a funeral, black attire is appropriate, and
attire should be formal, a sign of mourning. Thus, a black suit is what is
appropriate. Khakis are not.

"Anon E. Mouse" <tigernn_mo...@yahoo.com> wrote in message
news:MPG.1caa5b82d9663337989...@news.comcast.giganews.com...

But to disregard the conventions of the event is as disrespectful.
Convention dictates that at a funeral, black attire is appropriate, and
attire should be formal, a sign of mourning. Thus, a black suit is what is
appropriate. Khakis are not.

"Anon E. Mouse" <tigernn_mo...@yahoo.com> wrote in message
news:MPG.1caa5b82d9663337989...@news.comcast.giganews.com...

While this is an older thread may I add my .02?
If it comes down to someone having only khakis or even denim vs not
coming to pay respects at all I would (and have, as I did with my
Father's memorial service held in a chapel on a Military base) prefer
the person to come and be part of the services.
Having the perfect wardrobe is great, but in times of loss and/or
mourning I'd rather have a person in Khaki than not have the person
there at all.

"Hikaru Shizuka" <bra...@dccnet.com> wrote in message
news:114177fs3u2k...@corp.supernews.com...
| But to disregard the conventions of the event is as disrespectful.
| Convention dictates that at a funeral, black attire is appropriate,
and
| attire should be formal, a sign of mourning. Thus, a black suit is
what is
| appropriate. Khakis are not.
|
|


| "Anon E. Mouse" <tigernn_mo...@yahoo.com> wrote in message
| news:MPG.1caa5b82d9663337989...@news.comcast.giganews.com...
| > In article <bBeKd.1103$Yd7....@newsread2.news.atl.earthlink.net>,
| > bartender...@earthlink.net says...
| > >


| > > "Joe" <nos...@privacy.net> wrote in message
| > > news:35s020F4q2ht...@individual.net...
| > > > It's a funeral for chrissakes, not a fashion show.
| > > >
| > > > Wear a black suit, and skip the french cuffs and pocket candy.
| > > >
| > >
| > > Amen! What an insane question to ask.
| > >
| >
| >
| > Hardly an inappropriate or insane question at all. To not be
concerned
| > with one's appearance at a funeral is incredibly disrespectful.
It is
| > not a fashion show, but it is no more appropriate to disregard
your
| > attire there than it would be to spit on the coffin!
| >
| > AEM
|
|

While this is an older thread may I add my .02?
If it comes down to someone having only khakis or even denim vs not
coming to pay respects at all I would (and have, as I did with my
Father's memorial service held in a chapel on a Military base) prefer
the person to come and be part of the services.
Having the perfect wardrobe is great, but in times of loss and/or
mourning I'd rather have a person in Khaki than not have the person
there at all.

"Hikaru Shizuka" <bra...@dccnet.com> wrote in message
news:114177fs3u2k...@corp.supernews.com...
| But to disregard the conventions of the event is as disrespectful.
| Convention dictates that at a funeral, black attire is appropriate,
and
| attire should be formal, a sign of mourning. Thus, a black suit is
what is
| appropriate. Khakis are not.
|
|


| "Anon E. Mouse" <tigernn_mo...@yahoo.com> wrote in message
| news:MPG.1caa5b82d9663337989...@news.comcast.giganews.com...
| > In article <bBeKd.1103$Yd7....@newsread2.news.atl.earthlink.net>,
| > bartender...@earthlink.net says...
| > >


| > > "Joe" <nos...@privacy.net> wrote in message
| > > news:35s020F4q2ht...@individual.net...
| > > > It's a funeral for chrissakes, not a fashion show.
| > > >
| > > > Wear a black suit, and skip the french cuffs and pocket candy.
| > > >
| > >
| > > Amen! What an insane question to ask.
| > >
| >
| >
| > Hardly an inappropriate or insane question at all. To not be
concerned
| > with one's appearance at a funeral is incredibly disrespectful.
It is
| > not a fashion show, but it is no more appropriate to disregard
your
| > attire there than it would be to spit on the coffin!
| >
| > AEM
|
|

While this is an older thread may I add my .02?
If it comes down to someone having only khakis or even denim vs not
coming to pay respects at all I would (and have, as I did with my
Father's memorial service held in a chapel on a Military base) prefer
the person to come and be part of the services.
Having the perfect wardrobe is great, but in times of loss and/or
mourning I'd rather have a person in Khaki than not have the person
there at all.

"Hikaru Shizuka" <bra...@dccnet.com> wrote in message
news:114177fs3u2k...@corp.supernews.com...
| But to disregard the conventions of the event is as disrespectful.
| Convention dictates that at a funeral, black attire is appropriate,
and
| attire should be formal, a sign of mourning. Thus, a black suit is
what is
| appropriate. Khakis are not.
|
|


| "Anon E. Mouse" <tigernn_mo...@yahoo.com> wrote in message
| news:MPG.1caa5b82d9663337989...@news.comcast.giganews.com...
| > In article <bBeKd.1103$Yd7....@newsread2.news.atl.earthlink.net>,
| > bartender...@earthlink.net says...
| > >


| > > "Joe" <nos...@privacy.net> wrote in message
| > > news:35s020F4q2ht...@individual.net...
| > > > It's a funeral for chrissakes, not a fashion show.
| > > >
| > > > Wear a black suit, and skip the french cuffs and pocket candy.
| > > >
| > >
| > > Amen! What an insane question to ask.
| > >
| >
| >
| > Hardly an inappropriate or insane question at all. To not be
concerned
| > with one's appearance at a funeral is incredibly disrespectful.
It is
| > not a fashion show, but it is no more appropriate to disregard
your
| > attire there than it would be to spit on the coffin!
| >
| > AEM
|
|

While this is an older thread may I add my .02?
If it comes down to someone having only khakis or even denim vs not
coming to pay respects at all I would (and have, as I did with my
Father's memorial service held in a chapel on a Military base) prefer
the person to come and be part of the services.
Having the perfect wardrobe is great, but in times of loss and/or
mourning I'd rather have a person in Khaki than not have the person
there at all.

"Hikaru Shizuka" <bra...@dccnet.com> wrote in message
news:114177fs3u2k...@corp.supernews.com...
| But to disregard the conventions of the event is as disrespectful.
| Convention dictates that at a funeral, black attire is appropriate,
and
| attire should be formal, a sign of mourning. Thus, a black suit is
what is
| appropriate. Khakis are not.
|
|


| "Anon E. Mouse" <tigernn_mo...@yahoo.com> wrote in message
| news:MPG.1caa5b82d9663337989...@news.comcast.giganews.com...
| > In article <bBeKd.1103$Yd7....@newsread2.news.atl.earthlink.net>,
| > bartender...@earthlink.net says...
| > >


| > > "Joe" <nos...@privacy.net> wrote in message
| > > news:35s020F4q2ht...@individual.net...
| > > > It's a funeral for chrissakes, not a fashion show.
| > > >
| > > > Wear a black suit, and skip the french cuffs and pocket candy.
| > > >
| > >
| > > Amen! What an insane question to ask.
| > >
| >
| >
| > Hardly an inappropriate or insane question at all. To not be
concerned
| > with one's appearance at a funeral is incredibly disrespectful.
It is
| > not a fashion show, but it is no more appropriate to disregard
your
| > attire there than it would be to spit on the coffin!
| >
| > AEM
|
|

last week my mother died and after a proper IRISH WAKE (friday
night) we had a christian mass and burial (saturday morning) that
celebrated her life, her goals, her achievements and her
spirituality!
lots of us (10 children) wore the traditional darker colors, but
always with some color popping out!
(blouses, scarves, ties etc)
my mom would have loved it!
rosie
p.s. several of the younger grandchildren did indeed have khaki's
on, with bright colored tops......................they looked
adorable, just like nana would have wanted.

last week my mother died and after a proper IRISH WAKE (friday
night) we had a christian mass and burial (saturday morning) that
celebrated her life, her goals, her achievements and her
spirituality!
lots of us (10 children) wore the traditional darker colors, but
always with some color popping out!
(blouses, scarves, ties etc)
my mom would have loved it!
rosie
p.s. several of the younger grandchildren did indeed have khaki's
on, with bright colored tops......................they looked
adorable, just like nana would have wanted.

last week my mother died and after a proper IRISH WAKE (friday
night) we had a christian mass and burial (saturday morning) that
celebrated her life, her goals, her achievements and her
spirituality!
lots of us (10 children) wore the traditional darker colors, but
always with some color popping out!
(blouses, scarves, ties etc)
my mom would have loved it!
rosie
p.s. several of the younger grandchildren did indeed have khaki's
on, with bright colored tops......................they looked
adorable, just like nana would have wanted.

last week my mother died and after a proper IRISH WAKE (friday
night) we had a christian mass and burial (saturday morning) that
celebrated her life, her goals, her achievements and her
spirituality!
lots of us (10 children) wore the traditional darker colors, but
always with some color popping out!
(blouses, scarves, ties etc)
my mom would have loved it!
rosie
p.s. several of the younger grandchildren did indeed have khaki's
on, with bright colored tops......................they looked
adorable, just like nana would have wanted.

"Anon E. Mouse" <tigernn_mo...@yahoo.com> schreef in bericht
news:MPG.1caa5b82d9663337989...@news.comcast.giganews.com...
Strange this. My first reaction was the same as Joe's. Then a few weeks
later my FIL died. We were busy with arranging the funeral, supporting MIL,
putting up family members from out of town. On Saturday before the funeral,
I tried on what I was planning to wear.
DH said (for the first time in 18 years) "you're not wearing THAT are
you?". I was one of the people giving a eulogy and I couldn't, according to
DH stand up there in something so ordinary as a black skirt and black
turtleneck.
Had to take son #2 to a birthday party (life goes on) and someone there
asked me how I was coping. I could only go on and on about not having the
right outfit for the funeral ––– it seems you obsess about stupid things in
times of grief. Was extremely ashamed once the words were out, but they were
out.
Went from there to my friend's boutique, burst into tears in the shop, she
ran to the racks, picked 3 suits out and made me a coffee while I tried them
on. For the first time in my life, I was hating shopping for clothes.
At dinner the same night, SIL was in a tizz about some candle–lighting
ceremony all the grandchildren were supposed to do. Discussion took 3/4 hour
and I was sitting there thinking, "Does this matter?" Clothes, candles...
grief does strange things to you.
Wound up wearing a white boucle' skirt and jacket with black trim, and a
black shawl over my shoulders. Black shoes and smoke colored stockings.
Can't wait to wear it for a happy occasion.
Just my 2 cents.
Circe

"Anon E. Mouse" <tigernn_mo...@yahoo.com> schreef in bericht
news:MPG.1caa5b82d9663337989...@news.comcast.giganews.com...
Strange this. My first reaction was the same as Joe's. Then a few weeks
later my FIL died. We were busy with arranging the funeral, supporting MIL,
putting up family members from out of town. On Saturday before the funeral,
I tried on what I was planning to wear.
DH said (for the first time in 18 years) "you're not wearing THAT are
you?". I was one of the people giving a eulogy and I couldn't, according to
DH stand up there in something so ordinary as a black skirt and black
turtleneck.
Had to take son #2 to a birthday party (life goes on) and someone there
asked me how I was coping. I could only go on and on about not having the
right outfit for the funeral ––– it seems you obsess about stupid things in
times of grief. Was extremely ashamed once the words were out, but they were
out.
Went from there to my friend's boutique, burst into tears in the shop, she
ran to the racks, picked 3 suits out and made me a coffee while I tried them
on. For the first time in my life, I was hating shopping for clothes.
At dinner the same night, SIL was in a tizz about some candle–lighting
ceremony all the grandchildren were supposed to do. Discussion took 3/4 hour
and I was sitting there thinking, "Does this matter?" Clothes, candles...
grief does strange things to you.
Wound up wearing a white boucle' skirt and jacket with black trim, and a
black shawl over my shoulders. Black shoes and smoke colored stockings.
Can't wait to wear it for a happy occasion.
Just my 2 cents.
Circe

"Anon E. Mouse" <tigernn_mo...@yahoo.com> schreef in bericht
news:MPG.1caa5b82d9663337989...@news.comcast.giganews.com...
Strange this. My first reaction was the same as Joe's. Then a few weeks
later my FIL died. We were busy with arranging the funeral, supporting MIL,
putting up family members from out of town. On Saturday before the funeral,
I tried on what I was planning to wear.
DH said (for the first time in 18 years) "you're not wearing THAT are
you?". I was one of the people giving a eulogy and I couldn't, according to
DH stand up there in something so ordinary as a black skirt and black
turtleneck.
Had to take son #2 to a birthday party (life goes on) and someone there
asked me how I was coping. I could only go on and on about not having the
right outfit for the funeral ––– it seems you obsess about stupid things in
times of grief. Was extremely ashamed once the words were out, but they were
out.
Went from there to my friend's boutique, burst into tears in the shop, she
ran to the racks, picked 3 suits out and made me a coffee while I tried them
on. For the first time in my life, I was hating shopping for clothes.
At dinner the same night, SIL was in a tizz about some candle–lighting
ceremony all the grandchildren were supposed to do. Discussion took 3/4 hour
and I was sitting there thinking, "Does this matter?" Clothes, candles...
grief does strange things to you.
Wound up wearing a white boucle' skirt and jacket with black trim, and a
black shawl over my shoulders. Black shoes and smoke colored stockings.
Can't wait to wear it for a happy occasion.
Just my 2 cents.
Circe

"Anon E. Mouse" <tigernn_mo...@yahoo.com> schreef in bericht
news:MPG.1caa5b82d9663337989...@news.comcast.giganews.com...
Strange this. My first reaction was the same as Joe's. Then a few weeks
later my FIL died. We were busy with arranging the funeral, supporting MIL,
putting up family members from out of town. On Saturday before the funeral,
I tried on what I was planning to wear.
DH said (for the first time in 18 years) "you're not wearing THAT are
you?". I was one of the people giving a eulogy and I couldn't, according to
DH stand up there in something so ordinary as a black skirt and black
turtleneck.
Had to take son #2 to a birthday party (life goes on) and someone there
asked me how I was coping. I could only go on and on about not having the
right outfit for the funeral ––– it seems you obsess about stupid things in
times of grief. Was extremely ashamed once the words were out, but they were
out.
Went from there to my friend's boutique, burst into tears in the shop, she
ran to the racks, picked 3 suits out and made me a coffee while I tried them
on. For the first time in my life, I was hating shopping for clothes.
At dinner the same night, SIL was in a tizz about some candle–lighting
ceremony all the grandchildren were supposed to do. Discussion took 3/4 hour
and I was sitting there thinking, "Does this matter?" Clothes, candles...
grief does strange things to you.
Wound up wearing a white boucle' skirt and jacket with black trim, and a
black shawl over my shoulders. Black shoes and smoke colored stockings.
Can't wait to wear it for a happy occasion.
Just my 2 cents.
Circe

last week my mother died and after a proper IRISH WAKE (friday
night) we had a christian mass and burial (saturday morning) that
celebrated her life, her goals, her achievements and her
spirituality!
lots of us (10 children) wore the traditional darker colors, but
always with some color popping out!
(blouses, scarves, ties etc)
my mom would have loved it!
rosie
p.s. several of the younger grandchildren did indeed have khaki's
on, with bright colored tops......................they looked
adorable, just like nana would have wanted.

last week my mother died and after a proper IRISH WAKE (friday
night) we had a christian mass and burial (saturday morning) that
celebrated her life, her goals, her achievements and her
spirituality!
lots of us (10 children) wore the traditional darker colors, but
always with some color popping out!
(blouses, scarves, ties etc)
my mom would have loved it!
rosie
p.s. several of the younger grandchildren did indeed have khaki's
on, with bright colored tops......................they looked
adorable, just like nana would have wanted.

last week my mother died and after a proper IRISH WAKE (friday
night) we had a christian mass and burial (saturday morning) that
celebrated her life, her goals, her achievements and her
spirituality!
lots of us (10 children) wore the traditional darker colors, but
always with some color popping out!
(blouses, scarves, ties etc)
my mom would have loved it!
rosie
p.s. several of the younger grandchildren did indeed have khaki's
on, with bright colored tops......................they looked
adorable, just like nana would have wanted.

last week my mother died and after a proper IRISH WAKE (friday
night) we had a christian mass and burial (saturday morning) that
celebrated her life, her goals, her achievements and her
spirituality!
lots of us (10 children) wore the traditional darker colors, but
always with some color popping out!
(blouses, scarves, ties etc)
my mom would have loved it!
rosie
p.s. several of the younger grandchildren did indeed have khaki's
on, with bright colored tops......................they looked
adorable, just like nana would have wanted.