Help––I'm suffering from *too casual* syndrome

I have a wardrobe full of beautiful weekend/casual clothes, but I never wear
the more dressy, "put together" items because I'd rather dress in more
casual wear. I find myself circulating through my more casual weekend
items, rather than dipping into my more tailored items. My weekend wardrobe
typically consists of yoga pants (alas, stretch) and nicer blue jeans that I
wear very frequently with a variety of tops, such as Indian gauze tops,
linen shirt jackets and nice tees layered w/camis. I don't sink as low as
sweats all the way, but I definitely teeter on the brink of that distasteful
(in my opinion) mode. I never seem to want to wear the various
tailored–yet–casual pants & tops that I have accumulated over past
seasons––woven shirts and tailored ankle pants from Talbots, or even a
comfortable skirt––for example.
For work I have no problem donning a suit jacket & dressy clothes––it's like
my *uniform*. And if I am attending a party or a
business/semi–formal/formal event, I have no problem pulling out the
stops––wearing the pearls & the stilettos.
But if it's a picnic or grocery shopping or going to the mall, I just can't
bring myself to think enough to put together a casual–yet–tailored outfit.
(For the record, we are urban folk, not suburban, so this is not a cultural
issue for me. Many of my friends are able to break out the nicer clothes
when we go shopping together. I seem to me one of the weekend down–dressers
in our clique.)
Anyone else have this problem? Is it even a problem? Should I just go
easier on myself, in the spirit that I'm a busy working mom & deserve my
dress–down time? Finally, has anyone else fought through and won over
her/his tendency toward overt weekend casualness?
Thanks for sharing, if you are so inclined....
philosopher
~~part of the signature–sporting, top–posting reform movement~~

"philosopher" <nos...@nospam.com> wrote in message
news:LmzGd.203366$ye4.131...@twister.rdc–kc.rr.com...
I think it's incredibly common!
There's nothing wrong with being comfortable––and the informal clothes you
describe *do* sound comfy. Hardly anything is as comfortable as yoga pants
or cotton pjs, but you don't wear those things to work. Same with going
bra–less or wearing sneakers. Still, it sounds like you want to make the
effort.
One of my main considerations is usually washability; I am always reluctant
to wear a dry–clean–only item because of the expense and inconvenience of
taking it to the cleaners.
In the past few years––largely because of a.f. influence––I've forced myself
to get just a little bit dressed up almost any time I'm leaving the house.
With the discovery of knee–length and longer coats, I've learned that skirts
worn with tights and boots are as comfortable as pants. And it just seems
to signal to the world that I think the world is worth getting dressed for.
(Yeah, sounds silly.) But it takes just as long to put on jeans as
pantyhose and a skirt, so why not just go for it?
Maybe you could wean yourself off the yoga pants? You could put together a
few slightly dressier outfits and put them at the front of your closet so
they'll be the first thing you see when picking an outfit. Or force
yourself to use your nicer accessories even though you're only going to the
grocery store. Resolve to wear even one "nicer" item––even if it's just a
nice scarf with the yoga pants. Then you can just "up" the dressy factor
bit by bit.
I went years without wearing skirts or dresses, but now I wear them all the
time. And people notice and seem to infer that I'm respecting them somehow
when I make the effort.
cofarb
You might find that you quickly get accustomed to a slightly dressier mode.

I don't see anything wrong in dressing casually when you're "off–duty,"
particularly when you dress for work and are wearing more dressy clothes on a
regular basis.
But if you're wanting to update your look a bit, perhaps you can get an amazing
dressy handbag – picture something large, hard–sided and crocodile, or leather
with gold fittings – and wear some amazing boots with fur accents, or something
rather luxe with your yoga pants...you'll at least look like a ritzy casual
gal...
Somehow my daughter gets away with throwing huge pearls on with her polo shirt
and jeans, and high sandals – and it looks all pulled–together and fun – yet
it's just a polo and jeans....
Experimenting with accessories might be an inexpensive and simple way to
accomplish the upgrade you're seeking.
hth,
cary

That's a really good suggestion.
I find that the more dressed–up clothes I wear most often are the ones
that have the same feel as my casual clothes, only in more luxurious
fabrics, with a jazzier cut, etc. In addition to the catalogues
Julianne recommended, I like Soft Surroundings a lot.
T.

"cofarb" <do...@cofarb.com> wrote in message
news:idGdnQ5FUpWoVXfcRVn–...@adelphia.com...
[snip]> I went years without wearing skirts or dresses, but now I wear them
all the
This is an interesting observation, kind of surprised me. If I see someone
who has obviously paid a lot of attention to what she has on, I think things
like "She's really into clothes", "She looks really well put together", "She
has an unusual style", or "She always looks so nice." I'd never think that
it had anything to do with her respecting or not respecting me or what the
person thought about being in my line of vision. But I long ago learned
that people react differently to everything there is to react to.
Interesting.
Smokey

On 1/16/05 1:36 PM, in article
LmzGd.203366$ye4.131...@twister.rdc–kc.rr.com, "philosopher"
<nos...@nospam.com> wrote:
<snip>
I don't think that you have a problem unless you're underdressed for
wherever you're going. If you want to force yourself to wear your more
tailored clothes, I suggest packing all your yoga pants et al somewhere
inconvenient (e.g. In storage bags under the bed) so that you're forced to
wear your other clothes. I inadvertently did something similar with all my
shorts (the perils of too much clothing and not enough closet/dresser
space!), and I haven't worn shorts in over 2–3yrs.
ami

"Smokey" <SmokeyinNewEngl...@yahooey.com> wrote in message
news:XaqdnTkTiOBvU3fcRVn–...@comcast.com...
Part of it may be because I've spent most of my life in tourist
cities/towns. I have had my fill of slob tourists who apparently think
nothing of going into fairly dressy restaurants in stained I'm–With–Stupid
t–shirts, ripped shorts, etc. Then again, there will be tourists from other
parts of the world––people who've shlepped huge distances––who are clean,
tidy and well put–together. I infer a sense of disrespect from the former
and respect from the latter.
I realize it is harder to dress *very* well when traveling, but when I see a
young couple from Japan or Switzerland with a couple of small children and
they are all "put together", I can't help thinking that the DINKS from two
towns over could have tidied up a little, too.
Similarly, we were told that it was "disrespectful" to go into a house of
worship in anything less than "Sunday best". I'm glad those rules have
relaxed somewhat, but some people are a mess, and I *do* think it's
disrespectful.
cofarb

"shinypenny" <shinypenny0...@yahoo.com> wrote in message
news:1105981809.465652.257...@c13g2000cwb.googlegroups.com...
The outfit sounds beautiful!
Congratulations on reaching the anniversary!
cofarb

philosopher wrote:
never wear
more
weekend
wardrobe
that I
tops,
low as
distasteful
a It sounds like your dressier cloathes are kind of preppy, and the items
you gravitate toward are not. So maybe you need to look for casual but
put–together clothes that aren't preppy? Eileen Fisher, J. Jill, and
Garnet Hill (catalog/web site) might be a good sources.
Julianne X

cofarb wrote:
And it just seems
to signal to the world that I think the world is worth getting dressed for.
(Yeah, sounds silly.)
***
No, it does not sound silly. That's exactly why I'm feeling these
demi–guilt pangs! It's like I want to show more respect for my friends, my
environs, even the strangers I bump into, through my appearance/attire. Not
in a self–centered way, but rather, my down–dressing is more self centered.
Another reason why I think I am going too casual: as "a woman of a certain
age" (those of you who are of that age know of what I speak) , I think that
a lot of the casual stuff I'm turning to (jeans, yoga pants, tees) is no
longer age–appropriate.
philosopher
~~part of the signature–sporting, top–posting reform movement~~


"cofarb" <do...@cofarb.com> wrote in message
news:idGdnQ5FUpWoVXfcRVn–...@adelphia.com...

"shinypenny" <shinypenny0...@yahoo.com> wrote in
news:1105981809.465652.257...@c13g2000cwb.googlegroups.com:
Happy anniversary, Jen! It sounds like a cute outfit!
––
Poetic Badgers
"Snow.. snow, that can't be good for suede, can it?" –Jerry Seinfeld

Speaking of skirts vs. pants ~ I've come to find that pants that are low
waisted are much more flattering that any that come to the waist. I tend to
have a tummy, anf the lowere waisted pants "cut" the middle of it, making me
look thinner. Pants that come to the waist tend to make my tummy bulge out
under the waist band.
Can anyone recommend skirts that are "low–waisted"?
ME

"Mary Ellen" <mel...@aol.comspam–out> wrote in message
news:20050124144305.12547.00000...@mb–m24.aol.com...
If you can/will shop in the junior department, I'd recommend Tommy Hilfiger
skirts. (They may also be available in the women's department, but I buy my
skirts in the junior department so that's my only frame of reference.) If
you search "hilfiger skirt" on ebay, you'll see a gzillion skirts. You can
check individual ads for measurements to see if the proportions look right
for you. I find the sizing to be pretty generous.
ymmv,
coldfarb

It sounds like the casual wear you have is nice–ie, not faded, sloppy, too
baggy, etc. I would either keep it up and make sure my accessories, hair,
and lips looked great OR, get in the habit of putting on the other clothes.
If you feel really uncomfortable and dread going out during the weekend in
the more tailored things, then don't do it. If I am going casual I make a
concerted effort to put in a hair access., wear my favorite lipstick or lip
gloss, don some sassy shoes, and match a handbag. Simple, but makes me feel
less dressed down.
Have fun!
Kelly


"philosopher" <nos...@nospam.com> wrote in message
news:LmzGd.203366$ye4.131...@twister.rdc–kc.rr.com...

"philosopher" <nos...@nospam.com> schreef in bericht
news:LmzGd.203366$ye4.131...@twister.rdc–kc.rr.com...
I'm with Co–farb on the skirts.
Skirts and boots always look a bit more pulled together than jeans or
sweats. A leather blazer is also good for pulling together an outfit. The
Chanel type jacket and jeans is a look best left to history imho, and never,
but never wear a blue blazer and jeans, it looks terrible on everyone who's
ever tried it.
Accessories are a must –– good bag, no knapsacks or fanny–packs, but a sling
or a hip Indie bag are good for a casual look. Immaculately kept shoes are
also important. Nothing looks scruffier than run down heels or unpolished
leather.
Circe

Dariss wrote:
usually
the
like a
Its very hard for me also with thin calves.
For the pairs,which are to wide,i wear wool overknees (in the
winter),so it doesn't much attract other views.
Hate to try on 10 Boots and no one fits :–(

v.rutgers wrote:
I agree with cofarb on everything *but* the skirts. :–)
Am I the only one that finds skirts uncomfortable? I think it's because
my waist is not all that slender. I find skirts tend to pinch too much
in the waist, unless I get them in a large enough size and then they do
nothing for my slender hips. And I don't think pantyhose are all that
comfortable, either. Not to mention if it's cold out, skirts aren't all
that warm.
I do agree that skirts look more pulled together; just don't agree
they're all that comfortable. And with that said, I should note that I
recently added three new skirts to my wardrobe, and have been trying to
wear them more often. :–)
What works best for me is dress slacks. I find they are far more comfy
than jeans or skirts. I have several pairs of dress slacks that are as
comfy to me as a pair of sweat pants. They are much more forgiving in
the waist, and the fabric is flowing and not stiff like jeans.
never,
who's
Yes, a smashing blazer *or* coat can set off any outfit and bring it up
a notch. Try a 3/4 length coat in a bright color, herringbone, or
tweed, over the jeans.
a sling
shoes are
unpolished
Totally agree with the accessory suggestions! Especially the shoes.
Shoes can dress up or down any outfit. It needn't be heels either. A
pair of high quality leather loafers, with some interesting detail,
really dresses up a pair of dress slacks or jeans.
jen

"shinypenny" <shinypenny0...@yahoo.com> wrote in message
news:1105979093.502749.317...@f14g2000cwb.googlegroups.com...
<snipped>
A lot of skirts are uncomfortable––and it's definitely a matter of your
shape. I NEVER wear "pencil" or straight skirts; my figure is the opposite
of yours. I have a small waist and childbearing hips. All my skirts are
either full or A–line; I love kilt–type skirts that give me some
adjustability. (And most of my skirts rest below my waist, so I almost
always wear a bodysuit of some sort under whatever top I'm wearing so I
don't get a frozen midriff *and* so the top of the pantyhose isn't higher
than the waist of the skirt––that's not a look I'm going for!<G>)
If my proportions were different, none of my skirts would work even if,
technically, they fit me. OTOH, I think I look dreadful in dress pants.
I'm too short––and I've never felt comfortable wearing heels with pants.
The only exception is my collection of leather jeans; I *do* wear them with
high–heeled (for me) boots, and I think they look okay.
Since you're determined to wear more skirts, you might want to try some
different pantyhose. Regular pantyhose are not high on my list. I wear
heavy or midweight tights––and, whenever I can find them at a reasonable
price––I get "low–rise" tights (which usually reach my waist anyway, but at
least don't hit my ribcage like *some* pantyhose). DKNY tights are good
(though not low–rise) and I have a few pairs of Wolford tights which are
awesome––and disgustingly expensive unless you can get to an outlet store.
Again, with the cold weather, skirts are only comfy if paired with a long
coat. Long coats have changed my life!
coldfarb

cofarb wrote:
your
opposite
I wish I had your figure instead. :–)
almost
I higher
if,
pants.
pants.
them with
some
wear
reasonable
but at
good
are
store.
long
Thanks for the tips!
I will say I much prefer dresses because they tend not to be so tight
in the waist, but it's harder to find dresses that fit since they have
to be proportioned right on both top *and* bottom.
I am planning to break out a skirt tonight, since it's our 3rd
anniversary and DF is taking me out to a fancy restaurant for a special
night. He loves it when I wear skirts. Keeping an eye on the weather,
but figured I'd wear a winter white BR skirt that hits at the knee and
has a slit up one thigh (he bought it for me last anniversary and I've
only worn it a couple of times) with wine boots and either a v–neck
cashmere or turtleneck in flattering shade of blue (depending on the
weather and how warm I want to be). I tried it on together and it looks
nice.
jen

i live in skirts, and wear them in this cold wisconsin weather with
"pettipants" (remember those?) and good warm socks under my boots!
my idea of dressing up these days, is to switch out of my flat boots
and into boots that have a 2in heel on them and change coats!
––
http://icasualties.org/oif/


"shinypenny" <shinypenny0...@yahoo.com> wrote in message
news:1105981809.465652.257...@c13g2000cwb.googlegroups.com...
:: cofarb wrote:
: > A lot of skirts are uncomfortable––and it's definitely a matter
of
: your
: > shape. I NEVER wear "pencil" or straight skirts; my figure is
the
: opposite
: > of yours. I have a small waist and childbearing hips.
:: I wish I had your figure instead. :–)
:: > All my skirts are
: > either full or A–line; I love kilt–type skirts that give me some
: > adjustability. (And most of my skirts rest below my waist, so I
: almost
: > always wear a bodysuit of some sort under whatever top I'm
wearing so
: I
: > don't get a frozen midriff *and* so the top of the pantyhose
isn't
: higher
: > than the waist of the skirt––that's not a look I'm going
for!<G>)
: >
: > If my proportions were different, none of my skirts would work
even
: if,
: > technically, they fit me. OTOH, I think I look dreadful in
dress
: pants.
: > I'm too short––and I've never felt comfortable wearing heels
with
: pants.
: > The only exception is my collection of leather jeans; I *do*
wear
: them with
: > high–heeled (for me) boots, and I think they look okay.
: >
: > Since you're determined to wear more skirts, you might want to
try
: some
: > different pantyhose. Regular pantyhose are not high on my list.
I: wear
: > heavy or midweight tights––and, whenever I can find them at a
: reasonable
: > price––I get "low–rise" tights (which usually reach my waist
anyway,
: but at
: > least don't hit my ribcage like *some* pantyhose). DKNY tights
are
: good
: > (though not low–rise) and I have a few pairs of Wolford tights
which
: are
: > awesome––and disgustingly expensive unless you can get to an
outlet
: store.
: >
: > Again, with the cold weather, skirts are only comfy if paired
with a
: long
: > coat. Long coats have changed my life!
::: Thanks for the tips!
:: I will say I much prefer dresses because they tend not to be so
tight
: in the waist, but it's harder to find dresses that fit since they
have
: to be proportioned right on both top *and* bottom.
:: I am planning to break out a skirt tonight, since it's our 3rd
: anniversary and DF is taking me out to a fancy restaurant for a
special
: night. He loves it when I wear skirts. Keeping an eye on the
weather,
: but figured I'd wear a winter white BR skirt that hits at the knee
and
: has a slit up one thigh (he bought it for me last anniversary and
I've
: only worn it a couple of times) with wine boots and either a
v–neck
: cashmere or turtleneck in flattering shade of blue (depending on
the
: weather and how warm I want to be). I tried it on together and it
looks
: nice.
:: jen
:

"philosopher" <nos...@nospam.com> wrote in message
news:LmzGd.203366$ye4.131...@twister.rdc–kc.rr.com...
wear
wardrobe
I distasteful
like
can't
cultural
down–dressers
I fall more into the relativism camp about this issue. I find that people
mostly project their own standards and values onto others and even with
respect to whether one is dressed "appropriately".
If it feels like a problem to you, maybe your personal vision of yourself is
changing but your choices of what to wear are not keeping up with the
changes in vision. Examine that, and decide what feels right for you. IMHO
it's more about feeling your best than about whether your outfit includes a
skirt, or tailored clothes, or socks that match your tee/cardigan/sweater
and not your shoes/pants. See? I would never do the latter but there are
some who always do it. My personal aesthetic about care in choosing socks is
just different from that of someone who matches their socks to the top. Any
single one of just those three points I just mentioned could be on or off
someone's personal list of how to dress meticulously. It's a matter of what
constitutes care in dressing for you and what makes you feel and look your
best.
Someone else's "best" may not be the same as your "best". Even those who
meet their own standards daily and make a concerted effort to do so, will be
bested by someone with higher standards. I know a woman who dresses like an
artpiece, and has done so for years. People usually think she looks good,
especially in the design world in which she works, although obviously in
some situations she might be viewed as a bit overdressed. She believes that
anything less is not good enough both for herself and for others. No matter
how good a person looks and feels in their outfit, unless it's a
personalized, less commercially produced, unique set of items, she thinks it
trash. She would scoff at a RL sweater. "Anybody can just buy a set of items
off a rack, it doesn't show enough care to just do that, they might as well
just wear a jeans uniform". People will be and are thinking all different
sorts of things about what you wear!
If yoga pants feels over the edge for you, they are. They are for me, too.
Exception: running back and forth from yoga class.
Claire

"shinypenny" <shinypenny0...@yahoo.com> schreef in bericht
news:1105981809.465652.257...@c13g2000cwb.googlegroups.com...
I'm a shortie with a barely discernable waistline (boobs on a stick) so I
rely on low–waisted skirts and A–lines ––– Living in the Netherlands, I bike
a lot, yes it can be done in a skirt! Favorite brands for everyday skirts
instead of jeans:
Closed, McGregor, Esprit (elastic waist!). Hennes & Maurits usually has a
nice selection too, if you're on a budget.
Circe

philosopher wrote:
certain
think that
no
I can relate to that. How old are your kids? I can remember, when kids
were preschool age, feeling funny when folks would make comments
assuming I was not their mom, but rather their nanny. You'd think it'd
be flattering, but I had the opposite reaction.
I've always had a baby face, and it's exacerbated around here because
the majority of mom's started much later than I did. I am currently the
youngest mom in my DD's 5th grade class. I get comments sometimes, "Did
you start while you were in high school" and it bugs me, even if they
mean it nicely. I like to socialize with my DD's friends' parents, and
I do find that if I dress in "mom–appropriate" clothes for parents'
nights and other activities, it makes the intros easier.
Now that the kids are preteens, it's a different story. I'll get this
odd feeling if DDs and I *both* want the same item, because we're not
supposed to. Then I have to stop myself and ask, "Does it mean it's too
old for her, or too young for me?"
Even if I can fit into it and it looks good, I think my DDs deserve to
have that stage where they get to wear jeans and hip young clothes
while their mother dresses differently. Not necessarily "old" but
rather chic, put–together, and age appropriate.
Their friends notice everything, too. It's nice when they tell me their
friends say, "your mom always looks nice" or "I love your mom's new
coat!", but off–putting when they notice little details like "what was
she thinking, wearing those socks with that pair of shoes?" I swear,
there's a little contingent in the school who routinely notes what I
wear each day and the gossip flies. :–)
Anyway, if your kids are still young enough to often get sticky
fingers, and you're out running errands with them on the weekend, I
think jeans are highly appropriate because they're washable. As are
flat comfy lace–up shoes, which enable you to bolt after a runaway kid
quickly!
jen

On 1/17/05 2:02 PM, in article csh5lh$39...@news3.zwoll1.ov.home.nl,
"v.rutgers" <isht...@home.nl> wrote:
Strange, I have somewhat of a stick figure too, and I prefer: bias cut,
tulip/trumpet, fitted–over–hips–and–starts–pleats–below–hips, and pencil
(fit is very important for this one) skirts. I've found that non–bias cut
A–line skirts are one of the worst skirts possible on me. Full skirts are
tricky due to proportions, but I sometimes wear them anyway.
FWIW, I tend to wear waistlines at least 1–2" below my bellybutton, but I
have a long torso (~5" btwn bottom of ribcage and top of hipbone).
ami

sling
I agree too :) and I like ballet slippers –– soft leather, flat soles, very
comfy, especially flattering on small feet . Simple black shapes in Audrey
Hepburn style, or fun colors for a more hip look.
I like skirts –– I have a significant difference between waist and hips, and
A–line skirts flatter me. But I also reside in a cold climate (at least for
the time being), and I don't like the look of a skirt with ankle high boots
(just a personal preference), so it's either knee high boots & skirt, or
wait for the warmth and regular shoes.
Pretty knee high boots are hard to find, and the prettiest ones are usually
extremely expensive, and I also have very thin calves which limits the
choice –– any kind of knee high boots that isn't fitting snugly looks like a
little girl trying on her Mum's footwear :)
I love dresses too –– the ones with no waist seam especially–– the
uninterrupted waistline is so slimming.
D.