Home / alt.fashion / Friday, October 15, 2004
nothing (implies you need to lose weight; rude implication in a social
setting). two, say 'good; you could stand to lose weight' (rude in a social
setting). or three, say 'you don't need to lose weight', which may or may not
be true but sounds nice and is a socially acceptable comment. so, unless you
want to back someone into a corner where they tell you repeatedly how
fabulously skinny you are, you shouldn't mention that you're on a diet.
over dinner.
Like with many goals... but we forget that since it is our own goal,
not forced upon us, we shouldn't expect any external cheers.
www.liquidcrystalart.com
!house of delicious delirium
http://www.livejournal.com/~darissk/
the aesthetic pendulum swung back, or
dari...@yahoo.com (Daris)
10/15/2004 8:09:04 AM
either I meet some very inconsiderate people.
"You want to lose weight? Are you crazy? You want be one of those
rail–thin women no men want to sleep with? Those crazy waifs starving
themselves?"
That's what I hear recently when I reveal my intention to lose some
more weight. And I'm by no means underweight. I'm what they call
"pleasantly plump" when they want to flatter a woman.
And mind you, when I expressed the same intention three or four years
ago after going up to the weight same as present, the very same people
said, well, good luck, you'll look cool slim. Or even, yeah, it's time
for you to stop eating the cake and get some self–control. But no one
ever told me, "hey, stop eating, or do you want to become a fat cow?"
Yet the insulting crazy waif statements prevail...
I just don't get it.
Is it some sort of perverse un–PC in action?
Or what?
When you say you want to go get a short bob and cut your long hair, do
people tell you that perhaps you shouldn't do it because a short bob
will make you look awful? Why do people have such a need to put down
your goal?
Or why are they so malleable to fashion, if plumpness is indeed back
in fashion?
"You want to lose weight? Are you crazy? You want be one of those
rail–thin women no men want to sleep with? Those crazy waifs starving
themselves?"
That's what I hear recently when I reveal my intention to lose some
more weight. And I'm by no means underweight. I'm what they call
"pleasantly plump" when they want to flatter a woman.
And mind you, when I expressed the same intention three or four years
ago after going up to the weight same as present, the very same people
said, well, good luck, you'll look cool slim. Or even, yeah, it's time
for you to stop eating the cake and get some self–control. But no one
ever told me, "hey, stop eating, or do you want to become a fat cow?"
Yet the insulting crazy waif statements prevail...
I just don't get it.
Is it some sort of perverse un–PC in action?
Or what?
When you say you want to go get a short bob and cut your long hair, do
people tell you that perhaps you shouldn't do it because a short bob
will make you look awful? Why do people have such a need to put down
your goal?
Or why are they so malleable to fashion, if plumpness is indeed back
in fashion?
"Beeswing" <Beesw...@aol.com>
10/15/2004 4:12:59 PM
x–no–archive: yes
"Daris" <dari...@yahoo.com> wrote in message
news:3bb813ea.0410150709.1fa46...@posting.google.com...
themselves than they were when you lost weight last? Or perhaps are they
the same size they've always been but have changed their expectations of
themselves in the interim?
Sometimes these kinds of comments say more about the people who speak
them then they do about you.
beeswing
"Daris" <dari...@yahoo.com> wrote in message
news:3bb813ea.0410150709.1fa46...@posting.google.com...
either I meet some very inconsiderate people.
"You want to lose weight? Are you crazy? You want be one of those
rail–thin women no men want to sleep with? Those crazy waifs starving
themselves?"
That's what I hear recently when I reveal my intention to lose some
more weight. And I'm by no means underweight. I'm what they call
"pleasantly plump" when they want to flatter a woman.
And mind you, when I expressed the same intention three or four years
ago after going up to the weight same as present, the very same people
said, well, good luck, you'll look cool slim. Or even, yeah, it's time
for you to stop eating the cake and get some self–control. But no one
ever told me, "hey, stop eating, or do you want to become a fat cow?"
Yet the insulting crazy waif statements prevail...
I'm just curious. Are those "very same people" ... um, well ... heavier "You want to lose weight? Are you crazy? You want be one of those
rail–thin women no men want to sleep with? Those crazy waifs starving
themselves?"
That's what I hear recently when I reveal my intention to lose some
more weight. And I'm by no means underweight. I'm what they call
"pleasantly plump" when they want to flatter a woman.
And mind you, when I expressed the same intention three or four years
ago after going up to the weight same as present, the very same people
said, well, good luck, you'll look cool slim. Or even, yeah, it's time
for you to stop eating the cake and get some self–control. But no one
ever told me, "hey, stop eating, or do you want to become a fat cow?"
Yet the insulting crazy waif statements prevail...
themselves than they were when you lost weight last? Or perhaps are they
the same size they've always been but have changed their expectations of
themselves in the interim?
Sometimes these kinds of comments say more about the people who speak
them then they do about you.
beeswing
I just don't get it.
Is it some sort of perverse un–PC in action?
Or what?
When you say you want to go get a short bob and cut your long hair, do
people tell you that perhaps you shouldn't do it because a short bob
will make you look awful? Why do people have such a need to put down
your goal?
Or why are they so malleable to fashion, if plumpness is indeed back
in fashion?
Is it some sort of perverse un–PC in action?
Or what?
When you say you want to go get a short bob and cut your long hair, do
people tell you that perhaps you shouldn't do it because a short bob
will make you look awful? Why do people have such a need to put down
your goal?
Or why are they so malleable to fashion, if plumpness is indeed back
in fashion?
triannadun...@hotmail.com (TdN)
10/16/2004 2:59:00 PM
dari...@yahoo.com (Daris) wrote in message news:<3bb813ea.0410150709.1fa46...@posting.google.com>...
You meet inconsiderate people.
And many people take one's personal goals as a reflection on their own
choices. For example, many women I know who have long hair gave me a
lot of grief about cutting my hair short. Many people I know who wear
contact lenses give me grief about wearing glasses, no matter how many
times I explain to them that I don't find contacts comfortable.
My guess is that many of the people who give you these inappropriate,
inconsiderate responses think "Daris wants to lose weight. Daris
weighs about the same as I do, or less. I don't think I need to lose
weight; hence, Daris doesn't need to lose weight."
I think a good answer to "you need to lose weight" or "you don't need
to lose weight" is "You know, I think everyone has a particular weight
they feel most comfortable at, and I don't feel like I'm at my own
personal favorite weight yet. But I appreciate your concern for my
health."
Following up with a bland smile and, if necessary, the comment "Oh,
please; I'd much rather talk about you than my silly old weight!"
should nip this kind of thing in the bud.
Having said all that, I'm not sure why you want to discuss your weight
loss goals at all. Unless you know people who are professional
nutritionists or personal trainers or Pilates instructors and are
hoping to pick up tips from them, why open the topic of conversation
in the first place?
See, I think that many people––and, Daris, I know nothing about you,
so I'm not suggesting that you are one of them––don't realize that
they are already breaking a social boundary by discussing their
personal weight or fitness goals with anyone other than very close
friends or diet/workout buddies.
I have encountered so many people who say "I hate it that everyone is
always commenting on my diet" when they themselves go on and on about
it to anyone within earshot. If you don't bring the topic up with
random strangers and coworkers, you don't need to deal with their
inappropriate comments.
This includes "Oh, I can't have cake, because I'm on a diet". You
either say "Thank you, it looks delicious, but I just couldn't eat any
right now" or you take a piece, mess the frosting around with the
fork, then dispose of it discreetly (though I ordinarily am
tremendously opposed to wasting food, it's not as though anyone who's
really going hungry would receive a tremendous nutritional boost from
cake––though in my office days, I would often take a piece "for later,
because it looks so marvelous but I couldn't eat a bite" and give it
to the first homeless person I encountered).
Daris, please note that the last two paragraphs may be completely
orthogonal to your experience, and that they are a rant inspired by
dozens of other people, not by your posting.
Best,
T.
You meet inconsiderate people.
And many people take one's personal goals as a reflection on their own
choices. For example, many women I know who have long hair gave me a
lot of grief about cutting my hair short. Many people I know who wear
contact lenses give me grief about wearing glasses, no matter how many
times I explain to them that I don't find contacts comfortable.
My guess is that many of the people who give you these inappropriate,
inconsiderate responses think "Daris wants to lose weight. Daris
weighs about the same as I do, or less. I don't think I need to lose
weight; hence, Daris doesn't need to lose weight."
I think a good answer to "you need to lose weight" or "you don't need
to lose weight" is "You know, I think everyone has a particular weight
they feel most comfortable at, and I don't feel like I'm at my own
personal favorite weight yet. But I appreciate your concern for my
health."
Following up with a bland smile and, if necessary, the comment "Oh,
please; I'd much rather talk about you than my silly old weight!"
should nip this kind of thing in the bud.
Having said all that, I'm not sure why you want to discuss your weight
loss goals at all. Unless you know people who are professional
nutritionists or personal trainers or Pilates instructors and are
hoping to pick up tips from them, why open the topic of conversation
in the first place?
See, I think that many people––and, Daris, I know nothing about you,
so I'm not suggesting that you are one of them––don't realize that
they are already breaking a social boundary by discussing their
personal weight or fitness goals with anyone other than very close
friends or diet/workout buddies.
I have encountered so many people who say "I hate it that everyone is
always commenting on my diet" when they themselves go on and on about
it to anyone within earshot. If you don't bring the topic up with
random strangers and coworkers, you don't need to deal with their
inappropriate comments.
This includes "Oh, I can't have cake, because I'm on a diet". You
either say "Thank you, it looks delicious, but I just couldn't eat any
right now" or you take a piece, mess the frosting around with the
fork, then dispose of it discreetly (though I ordinarily am
tremendously opposed to wasting food, it's not as though anyone who's
really going hungry would receive a tremendous nutritional boost from
cake––though in my office days, I would often take a piece "for later,
because it looks so marvelous but I couldn't eat a bite" and give it
to the first homeless person I encountered).
Daris, please note that the last two paragraphs may be completely
orthogonal to your experience, and that they are a rant inspired by
dozens of other people, not by your posting.
Best,
T.
michele...@aol.combover (Michele317)
10/20/2004 2:42:44 PM
I guess that's it partially :) I don't rant. But I did tend to reply
in that way during shared meals.
Will you have dessert?
No thanks.
It looks really tasty.
Yes, but I'm on a diet.
Oh, really? But you don't have to lose weight.
Well, I think I do.
No, no, think about it: do you want to be... and here the statement
follows.
telling people you're on a diet leaves them with few reply options. one, say in that way during shared meals.
Will you have dessert?
No thanks.
It looks really tasty.
Yes, but I'm on a diet.
Oh, really? But you don't have to lose weight.
Well, I think I do.
No, no, think about it: do you want to be... and here the statement
follows.
nothing (implies you need to lose weight; rude implication in a social
setting). two, say 'good; you could stand to lose weight' (rude in a social
setting). or three, say 'you don't need to lose weight', which may or may not
be true but sounds nice and is a socially acceptable comment. so, unless you
want to back someone into a corner where they tell you repeatedly how
fabulously skinny you are, you shouldn't mention that you're on a diet.
But on the other hand. Being on diet is not a flaw. Or a crime. Why
should I take the trouble to lie and/or hide it?
plenty of behaviors aren't flaws or crimes yet aren't meant to be discussed should I take the trouble to lie and/or hide it?
over dinner.
Chris Braun <braun_ch...@mindspring.com>
10/17/2004 10:52:06 AM
On Fri, 15 Oct 2004 16:12:59 GMT, "Beeswing" <Beesw...@aol.com> wrote:
6, but definitely not what most people would call skinny. I weigh 137
–– kind of a lot for a size 6, I guess, but I'm muscular and compact.
Anyway, I've had three different people tell me they think I've gotten
too thin, but they are all overweight. I think –– as Beeswing
suggests –– that they're seeing me in a context that's influenced by
their own size. I don't worry about it. It does seem rude, though
for people to say things like this.
At the same time, I think that if the aesthetic pendulum has swung
away from the "starving waif" look, that's probably a good thing. I'm
not sure I've seen much evidence of a change, though.
Chris
x–no–archive: yes
"Daris" <dari...@yahoo.com> wrote in message
news:3bb813ea.0410150709.1fa46...@posting.google.com...
I'm just curious. Are those "very same people" ... um, well ... heavier
themselves than they were when you lost weight last? Or perhaps are they
the same size they've always been but have changed their expectations of
themselves in the interim?
Sometimes these kinds of comments say more about the people who speak
them then they do about you.
beeswing
I've lost a lot of weight in the past couple of years. I'm now a size "Daris" <dari...@yahoo.com> wrote in message
news:3bb813ea.0410150709.1fa46...@posting.google.com...
I'm just curious. Are those "very same people" ... um, well ... heavier
themselves than they were when you lost weight last? Or perhaps are they
the same size they've always been but have changed their expectations of
themselves in the interim?
Sometimes these kinds of comments say more about the people who speak
them then they do about you.
beeswing
6, but definitely not what most people would call skinny. I weigh 137
–– kind of a lot for a size 6, I guess, but I'm muscular and compact.
Anyway, I've had three different people tell me they think I've gotten
too thin, but they are all overweight. I think –– as Beeswing
suggests –– that they're seeing me in a context that's influenced by
their own size. I don't worry about it. It does seem rude, though
for people to say things like this.
At the same time, I think that if the aesthetic pendulum has swung
away from the "starving waif" look, that's probably a good thing. I'm
not sure I've seen much evidence of a change, though.
Chris
dari...@yahoo.com (Daris)
10/17/2004 2:04:58 PM
triannadun...@hotmail.com (TdN) wrote in message news:<314a4ba6.0410161359.538e0...@posting.google.com>...
in that way during shared meals.
Will you have dessert?
No thanks.
It looks really tasty.
Yes, but I'm on a diet.
Oh, really? But you don't have to lose weight.
Well, I think I do.
No, no, think about it: do you want to be... and here the statement
follows.
But on the other hand. Being on diet is not a flaw. Or a crime. Why
should I take the trouble to lie and/or hide it?
dari...@yahoo.com (Daris) wrote in message news:<3bb813ea.0410150709.1fa46...@posting.google.com>...
You meet inconsiderate people.
And many people take one's personal goals as a reflection on their own
choices. For example, many women I know who have long hair gave me a
lot of grief about cutting my hair short. Many people I know who wear
contact lenses give me grief about wearing glasses, no matter how many
times I explain to them that I don't find contacts comfortable.
My guess is that many of the people who give you these inappropriate,
inconsiderate responses think "Daris wants to lose weight. Daris
weighs about the same as I do, or less. I don't think I need to lose
weight; hence, Daris doesn't need to lose weight."
I think a good answer to "you need to lose weight" or "you don't need
to lose weight" is "You know, I think everyone has a particular weight
they feel most comfortable at, and I don't feel like I'm at my own
personal favorite weight yet. But I appreciate your concern for my
health."
Following up with a bland smile and, if necessary, the comment "Oh,
please; I'd much rather talk about you than my silly old weight!"
should nip this kind of thing in the bud.
Having said all that, I'm not sure why you want to discuss your weight
loss goals at all. Unless you know people who are professional
nutritionists or personal trainers or Pilates instructors and are
hoping to pick up tips from them, why open the topic of conversation
in the first place?
See, I think that many people––and, Daris, I know nothing about you,
so I'm not suggesting that you are one of them––don't realize that
they are already breaking a social boundary by discussing their
personal weight or fitness goals with anyone other than very close
friends or diet/workout buddies.
I have encountered so many people who say "I hate it that everyone is
always commenting on my diet" when they themselves go on and on about
it to anyone within earshot. If you don't bring the topic up with
random strangers and coworkers, you don't need to deal with their
inappropriate comments.
This includes "Oh, I can't have cake, because I'm on a diet". You
either say "Thank you, it looks delicious, but I just couldn't eat any
right now" or you take a piece, mess the frosting around with the
fork, then dispose of it discreetly (though I ordinarily am
tremendously opposed to wasting food, it's not as though anyone who's
really going hungry would receive a tremendous nutritional boost from
cake––though in my office days, I would often take a piece "for later,
because it looks so marvelous but I couldn't eat a bite" and give it
to the first homeless person I encountered).
Daris, please note that the last two paragraphs may be completely
orthogonal to your experience, and that they are a rant inspired by
dozens of other people, not by your posting.
Best,
T.
I guess that's it partially :) I don't rant. But I did tend to reply You meet inconsiderate people.
And many people take one's personal goals as a reflection on their own
choices. For example, many women I know who have long hair gave me a
lot of grief about cutting my hair short. Many people I know who wear
contact lenses give me grief about wearing glasses, no matter how many
times I explain to them that I don't find contacts comfortable.
My guess is that many of the people who give you these inappropriate,
inconsiderate responses think "Daris wants to lose weight. Daris
weighs about the same as I do, or less. I don't think I need to lose
weight; hence, Daris doesn't need to lose weight."
I think a good answer to "you need to lose weight" or "you don't need
to lose weight" is "You know, I think everyone has a particular weight
they feel most comfortable at, and I don't feel like I'm at my own
personal favorite weight yet. But I appreciate your concern for my
health."
Following up with a bland smile and, if necessary, the comment "Oh,
please; I'd much rather talk about you than my silly old weight!"
should nip this kind of thing in the bud.
Having said all that, I'm not sure why you want to discuss your weight
loss goals at all. Unless you know people who are professional
nutritionists or personal trainers or Pilates instructors and are
hoping to pick up tips from them, why open the topic of conversation
in the first place?
See, I think that many people––and, Daris, I know nothing about you,
so I'm not suggesting that you are one of them––don't realize that
they are already breaking a social boundary by discussing their
personal weight or fitness goals with anyone other than very close
friends or diet/workout buddies.
I have encountered so many people who say "I hate it that everyone is
always commenting on my diet" when they themselves go on and on about
it to anyone within earshot. If you don't bring the topic up with
random strangers and coworkers, you don't need to deal with their
inappropriate comments.
This includes "Oh, I can't have cake, because I'm on a diet". You
either say "Thank you, it looks delicious, but I just couldn't eat any
right now" or you take a piece, mess the frosting around with the
fork, then dispose of it discreetly (though I ordinarily am
tremendously opposed to wasting food, it's not as though anyone who's
really going hungry would receive a tremendous nutritional boost from
cake––though in my office days, I would often take a piece "for later,
because it looks so marvelous but I couldn't eat a bite" and give it
to the first homeless person I encountered).
Daris, please note that the last two paragraphs may be completely
orthogonal to your experience, and that they are a rant inspired by
dozens of other people, not by your posting.
Best,
T.
in that way during shared meals.
Will you have dessert?
No thanks.
It looks really tasty.
Yes, but I'm on a diet.
Oh, really? But you don't have to lose weight.
Well, I think I do.
No, no, think about it: do you want to be... and here the statement
follows.
But on the other hand. Being on diet is not a flaw. Or a crime. Why
should I take the trouble to lie and/or hide it?
Chris Braun <braun_ch...@mindspring.com>
10/21/2004 12:31:48 AM
On 20 Oct 2004 14:42:44 GMT, michele...@aol.combover (Michele317)
wrote:
of diet they're following.
But I don't personally bring up dieting –– and I've recently completed
a 2–year, 120+ pound weight loss journey. Obviously my friends knew I
was dieting after a while, since I changed so much in appearance, but
I didn't really bring it up. And I don't now –– though I'm still
eating carefully and will for life. I feel like, if I make a point of
saying I'm looking for something healthy on the menu, or that I won't
eat such–and–such because it's fattening, it's sort of an implied
criticism of those who might be eating such things. I just keep quiet
and eat what I want.
Chris
wrote:
telling people you're on a diet leaves them with few reply options. one, say
nothing (implies you need to lose weight; rude implication in a social
setting). two, say 'good; you could stand to lose weight' (rude in a social
setting). or three, say 'you don't need to lose weight', which may or may not
be true but sounds nice and is a socially acceptable comment. so, unless you
want to back someone into a corner where they tell you repeatedly how
fabulously skinny you are, you shouldn't mention that you're on a diet.
Well, my approach would be to show an interest and ask about what sort nothing (implies you need to lose weight; rude implication in a social
setting). two, say 'good; you could stand to lose weight' (rude in a social
setting). or three, say 'you don't need to lose weight', which may or may not
be true but sounds nice and is a socially acceptable comment. so, unless you
want to back someone into a corner where they tell you repeatedly how
fabulously skinny you are, you shouldn't mention that you're on a diet.
of diet they're following.
But I don't personally bring up dieting –– and I've recently completed
a 2–year, 120+ pound weight loss journey. Obviously my friends knew I
was dieting after a while, since I changed so much in appearance, but
I didn't really bring it up. And I don't now –– though I'm still
eating carefully and will for life. I feel like, if I make a point of
saying I'm looking for something healthy on the menu, or that I won't
eat such–and–such because it's fattening, it's sort of an implied
criticism of those who might be eating such things. I just keep quiet
and eat what I want.
Chris
dari...@yahoo.com (Daris)
10/21/2004 5:24:05 AM
Chris Braun <braun_ch...@mindspring.com> wrote in message news:<1j0en0pj831l2g3dknb0cu6l192av1v...@4ax.com>...
usually just say, good luck. It doesn't matter whether or not I think
they need to lose weight, but if it is their goal, who am I to judge
it?
"You don't need to lose weight" sounds to me like "it's silly to be
doing it when you obviously don't need it." It also implies that I'm
unable to decide what is better for my own body.
And if they say nothing, to me it simply implies they don't want to
discuss it. Not exactly rude.
Oh well... lately I just say no, thanks, and leave it at that. It's
true that sometimes people simply don't understand each other without
long explanations (I don't mean here, now, but in a short casual
conversation)
On 20 Oct 2004 14:42:44 GMT, michele...@aol.combover (Michele317)
wrote:
Well, if someone mentions in my presence that they are on a diet, I wrote:
usually just say, good luck. It doesn't matter whether or not I think
they need to lose weight, but if it is their goal, who am I to judge
it?
"You don't need to lose weight" sounds to me like "it's silly to be
doing it when you obviously don't need it." It also implies that I'm
unable to decide what is better for my own body.
And if they say nothing, to me it simply implies they don't want to
discuss it. Not exactly rude.
Oh well... lately I just say no, thanks, and leave it at that. It's
true that sometimes people simply don't understand each other without
long explanations (I don't mean here, now, but in a short casual
conversation)
dari...@yahoo.com (Daris)
10/21/2004 5:34:22 AM
Chris Braun <braun_ch...@mindspring.com> wrote in message news:<1j0en0pj831l2g3dknb0cu6l192av1v...@4ax.com>...
you needed to lose weight, which is rude in social setting? <grin>
On 20 Oct 2004 14:42:44 GMT, michele...@aol.combover (Michele317)
wrote:
Well, my approach would be to show an interest and ask about what sort
of diet they're following.
But I don't personally bring up dieting –– and I've recently completed
a 2–year, 120+ pound weight loss journey. Obviously my friends knew I
was dieting after a while, since I changed so much in appearance, but
I didn't really bring it up. And I don't now –– though I'm still
eating carefully and will for life. I feel like, if I make a point of
saying I'm looking for something healthy on the menu, or that I won't
eat such–and–such because it's fattening, it's sort of an implied
criticism of those who might be eating such things. I just keep quiet
and eat what I want.
Chris
Can I say, congratulations!? Or it would be implying that I thought wrote:
Well, my approach would be to show an interest and ask about what sort
of diet they're following.
But I don't personally bring up dieting –– and I've recently completed
a 2–year, 120+ pound weight loss journey. Obviously my friends knew I
was dieting after a while, since I changed so much in appearance, but
I didn't really bring it up. And I don't now –– though I'm still
eating carefully and will for life. I feel like, if I make a point of
saying I'm looking for something healthy on the menu, or that I won't
eat such–and–such because it's fattening, it's sort of an implied
criticism of those who might be eating such things. I just keep quiet
and eat what I want.
Chris
you needed to lose weight, which is rude in social setting? <grin>
Chris Braun <braun_ch...@mindspring.com>
10/22/2004 2:40:27 AM
On 21 Oct 2004 05:34:22 –0700, dari...@yahoo.com (Daris) wrote:
accomplished a goal I set for myself. So congratulations seem
appropriate on that count along :–). If someone is losing weight and
doesn't want to, that's a whole 'nother matter, of course.
Chris
Chris Braun <braun_ch...@mindspring.com> wrote in message news:<1j0en0pj831l2g3dknb0cu6l192av1v...@4ax.com>...
Can I say, congratulations!? Or it would be implying that I thought
you needed to lose weight, which is rude in social setting? <grin>
Well, I figure as long as it was intentional on my part, it means I Can I say, congratulations!? Or it would be implying that I thought
you needed to lose weight, which is rude in social setting? <grin>
accomplished a goal I set for myself. So congratulations seem
appropriate on that count along :–). If someone is losing weight and
doesn't want to, that's a whole 'nother matter, of course.
Chris
dari...@yahoo.com (Daris)
10/21/2004 5:30:52 AM
I don't mean to be critical of you, personally. However, I think that
the culture of the industrialized world really leads many of us to a
mindset in which we see dieting as somehow "good" and "noble" and
something for which we deserve praise from others, and so we (and I'm
sure I've done this myself) feel that we need to announce our
important spiritual quest to all and sundry, when the reality is that
pretty much nobody else cares what anyone else chooses to eat.
T.
I must admit it is true. Perhaps it's the feeling of accomplishment. the culture of the industrialized world really leads many of us to a
mindset in which we see dieting as somehow "good" and "noble" and
something for which we deserve praise from others, and so we (and I'm
sure I've done this myself) feel that we need to announce our
important spiritual quest to all and sundry, when the reality is that
pretty much nobody else cares what anyone else chooses to eat.
T.
Like with many goals... but we forget that since it is our own goal,
not forced upon us, we shouldn't expect any external cheers.
www.liquidcrystalart.com
!house of delicious delirium
http://www.livejournal.com/~darissk/
mom_2_...@hotmail.com (Barbara)
10/18/2004 10:40:06 AM
dari...@yahoo.com (Daris) wrote in message news:<3bb813ea.0410171304.51063...@posting.google.com>...
points –– I'm going to have to work on this myself! I suppose that,
if I were your dining companion, I might feel that no response to your
declaration that you felt that you had to lose weight might be
tantamount to saying *well, of course you're right; you do look a bit
porky these days* And, as your friends, they well might not want to
say that.
As noted, I am guilty of the behavior that T describes. Thanks for
the insight.
Barbara
triannadun...@hotmail.com (TdN) wrote in message news:<314a4ba6.0410161359.538e0...@posting.google.com>...
I guess that's it partially :) I don't rant. But I did tend to reply
in that way during shared meals.
Will you have dessert?
No thanks.
It looks really tasty.
Yes, but I'm on a diet.
Oh, really? But you don't have to lose weight.
Well, I think I do.
No, no, think about it: do you want to be... and here the statement
follows.
But on the other hand. Being on diet is not a flaw. Or a crime. Why
should I take the trouble to lie and/or hide it?
I've never thought about it this way, but T makes some wonderful I guess that's it partially :) I don't rant. But I did tend to reply
in that way during shared meals.
Will you have dessert?
No thanks.
It looks really tasty.
Yes, but I'm on a diet.
Oh, really? But you don't have to lose weight.
Well, I think I do.
No, no, think about it: do you want to be... and here the statement
follows.
But on the other hand. Being on diet is not a flaw. Or a crime. Why
should I take the trouble to lie and/or hide it?
points –– I'm going to have to work on this myself! I suppose that,
if I were your dining companion, I might feel that no response to your
declaration that you felt that you had to lose weight might be
tantamount to saying *well, of course you're right; you do look a bit
porky these days* And, as your friends, they well might not want to
say that.
As noted, I am guilty of the behavior that T describes. Thanks for
the insight.
Barbara
triannadun...@hotmail.com (TdN)
10/18/2004 3:40:17 PM
dari...@yahoo.com (Daris) wrote in message news:<3bb813ea.0410171304.51063...@posting.google.com>...
flaw. Or a crime. But you're not going to discuss that with
strangers.
No, wait, I was just being snarky.
Seriously, though, I have to say that it sounds like you
(subconsciously, perhaps) want positive feedback from others about
your diet on the order of "Ooh, I wish I had your willpower" or
whatever. Why?
I don't see why you couldn't just say "I don't feel like it" or "I'd
rather not" or "I'm trying to cut back on {fat, sugar, whatever}" or
"I'm trying to eat healthy" or whatever, instead of saying that you're
on a diet. By announcing that you're on a diet, you open a discussion
of a) dieting in general, and b) your need to diet or not diet.
Unsurprisingly, there are people out there who will be rude or
inappropriate in such a discussion (or who will attempt to salve their
own anxieties about their own body image by insisting that you, who
weigh less than they do, would become gaunt and haggard if you lose so
much as an ounce).
So I would say that if you want to gamble on getting a response you
like about a matter I think should be personal, keep doing what you're
doing, but don't be surprised by the responses you don't like.
I don't mean to be critical of you, personally. However, I think that
the culture of the industrialized world really leads many of us to a
mindset in which we see dieting as somehow "good" and "noble" and
something for which we deserve praise from others, and so we (and I'm
sure I've done this myself) feel that we need to announce our
important spiritual quest to all and sundry, when the reality is that
pretty much nobody else cares what anyone else chooses to eat.
Good luck with your own fitness goals, of course. And I think the
"everyone has one particular weight at which they feel comfortable,
and it's always something very personal" is always a good response to
people who are rude enough to criticize your fitness goals.
T.
I guess that's it partially :) I don't rant. But I did tend to reply
in that way during shared meals.
Will you have dessert?
No thanks.
It looks really tasty.
Yes, but I'm on a diet.
Oh, really? But you don't have to lose weight.
Well, I think I do.
No, no, think about it: do you want to be... and here the statement
follows.
But on the other hand. Being on diet is not a flaw. Or a crime. Why
should I take the trouble to lie and/or hide it?
But why bring it up in the first place? Having hemorrhoids is not a in that way during shared meals.
Will you have dessert?
No thanks.
It looks really tasty.
Yes, but I'm on a diet.
Oh, really? But you don't have to lose weight.
Well, I think I do.
No, no, think about it: do you want to be... and here the statement
follows.
But on the other hand. Being on diet is not a flaw. Or a crime. Why
should I take the trouble to lie and/or hide it?
flaw. Or a crime. But you're not going to discuss that with
strangers.
No, wait, I was just being snarky.
Seriously, though, I have to say that it sounds like you
(subconsciously, perhaps) want positive feedback from others about
your diet on the order of "Ooh, I wish I had your willpower" or
whatever. Why?
I don't see why you couldn't just say "I don't feel like it" or "I'd
rather not" or "I'm trying to cut back on {fat, sugar, whatever}" or
"I'm trying to eat healthy" or whatever, instead of saying that you're
on a diet. By announcing that you're on a diet, you open a discussion
of a) dieting in general, and b) your need to diet or not diet.
Unsurprisingly, there are people out there who will be rude or
inappropriate in such a discussion (or who will attempt to salve their
own anxieties about their own body image by insisting that you, who
weigh less than they do, would become gaunt and haggard if you lose so
much as an ounce).
So I would say that if you want to gamble on getting a response you
like about a matter I think should be personal, keep doing what you're
doing, but don't be surprised by the responses you don't like.
I don't mean to be critical of you, personally. However, I think that
the culture of the industrialized world really leads many of us to a
mindset in which we see dieting as somehow "good" and "noble" and
something for which we deserve praise from others, and so we (and I'm
sure I've done this myself) feel that we need to announce our
important spiritual quest to all and sundry, when the reality is that
pretty much nobody else cares what anyone else chooses to eat.
Good luck with your own fitness goals, of course. And I think the
"everyone has one particular weight at which they feel comfortable,
and it's always something very personal" is always a good response to
people who are rude enough to criticize your fitness goals.
T.